What motherhood looks like…for me..for now

In the last week all four people in my family have gotten disgustingly sick with a stomach bug that keeps any form of edible source of energy from staying in the human body. It started last Friday night. I spent last Wednesday in the ER with a migraine that literally knocked me off my feet.

In the last 3 months I’ve spent more on lawyers than my car payment, phone bill, and insurance is combined. I’ve spent hours pouring through conversations, reading paperwork, and negotiating what is going to be the outline for an acceptable future for my family.

I’ve had more nightmares than I’d care to remember, I’ve cried more tears than I thought my body could hold, and honestly I’ve felt like I lost all sense of sanity on more than 5 different occasions.

Its been a rough season. A season that leaves me exhausted and wanting it all to just be over.

I work full time, I raise tiny humans full time, and for the most part I’ve done that on my own for the last 4 years. I know this because in one week my youngest will turn four (which is its own journey to be on). I’ve also come to realize in this last week I need to accept help from others (which again is it’s own journey). I’m extremely thankful for my family that has been there and helped me time and time again.

So many areas of life are coming to a massive collision and at this point I’m just sitting back making sure we all survive and reminding myself that this is just a season, not my whole life.

Motherhood right now for me looks like a lot of tear-filled prayers and a lot of long nights that offer little rest. My heart is heavy and my mind is busy.

I write this 1- because writing helps me process and 2- because most people never hear or see this part and this is a very real and valid part.