3 down-to-earth couple suggestions from a ordinary girlfriend
So, with all the crazy feeds on facebook, we have all seen some articles about the signs that you’re relationship is not working. It always make me laugh when I see theses articles titled “5 signs show that you’re relationship is not working”. I had few bad relationships in the past, and I didn’t need to read on facebook to learn that my relationship was going into a crap end. I could feel and see it, in person.
Then I was lucky to find my Mr.Right in the university library, and somehow, we made our relationship work in 3 different countries. We survived from the early 20 rush ( Yeah, when you just start drinking in the bar, it’s easy to think all the guys and girls who you can not meet before 21 are cool and better than your boyfriend). We broke through the long distance challenge (Our long distance was cross countries, no joke, USA to HK, USA to Taiwan then HK to Taiwan). And we united in Germany, adventuring our new life together with separate strong careers.
Looking back these years, there are 5 points which made our relationship work. Trust me, we were never the perfect couple and we weren’t each other's Mr/Mrs Right at the first sight. In fact, we fight and be stupid just like every other couples.
1. Be true to yourself, be real to your partner and make your flaws into something beautiful
We all have a past, a terrible relationship, and a (or more) distinctive personal flaw. We could learn from the past, we could improve our relationship with the next Mr./Mrs. Right, but it is hard to change our personal flaw(s). I mean, if we are all perfect, then we are all boring. Our flaw is what makes us special, makes us unique, and makes us unbearable, but hard to let go. Okay, I am not talking about the drinking, drug or gambling problem — those you should really get help from the professionals.
After trying to hide our flaw and faking as we are the perfect other half in the first few years of our romance time, my boyfriend and I learn that, in the end, we actually love each other more when we are true to ourselves and to each other.
One of my flaw is that I am SUPER lazy outside of work, but I also want everything to be perfect outside work without any effort. I have a good career. I devote most of my attentions, brain cells and energies into work. It is not easy to be the only Asian in entire company here in Germany, and being at the management position (with having a babyface!!!) at the same time. Therefore, most of my power are spent at work, and have little left afterwards. But, I still want the house to be clean, weekends to be fun, vacations to be awesome.
One of his flaw is that he loves to WIN and cares too much about his pride. Okay, It’s man, but really? (We used to fight over stupid things, just because he wanted to win and didn’t want to lose his face).
So, we both admit about our “problems” and found a alternative solution. We accept who we really are and do not expect each other to change completely. We love each other as a package, not our wishful perfect selection! We found a middle point to embrace our flaws. I know I am lazy outside work, and he loves to win and be cocky to me. So, I let him make most of the decisions: where we go for vacation, where he wants to eat, what should be our weekend plans...etc. Of course, if you wanna be cocky you have to do the work, and, of course 2.0, if you want to be lazy and have the things to be done, you have to shut up and not complained about it.
Now, we both are happy and form a good living module. We appreciate each other more, after being true to each other and finding a middle ground to balance it.
2. Leave some space for your other half
Yes, we don’t tell each other everything and we give each other spaces. I know, it is the risk to trust a person completely without knowing everything. But, seriously, if a person wants to cheat on you, does something fishy, he/she is going to do it anyway. If you truly think this person is worth for your risk and you want it as a serious relationship for the future, then, please, leave some spaces for him/her.
I don’t look through his phone when he sleeps, I don’t play games to check if he is telling the truth. He is a private person, and he keeps some business stuff from me and likes to have his own friend groups. I understand. I can be ridiculously hard to handle sometimes, and he needs to express his feeling to his best friend. So, I let he to be him. I fundamentally trust him, and when I have doubt, I ask. But, I don’t play games, i don’t play police, I don’t 24/7 monitor him.
Ask yourself, do you ever want to keep some personal space from your partner ? If yes, so does your partner.
3. Appreciate what you have
As the Chinese Saying: The blooming flowers are attractive and beautiful, but they are only for a moment. The quiet mountain will always be there. I’ve learned this late. I didn’t truly appreciate him till we were in Germany. When we were in America and Asai, we had so many friends and a good life, so everything just seemed so easy. And many other guys I’ve met seemed so fresh and fun, my boyfriend seemed just… okay, stable but nothing special.
Later, we moved to Germany, without knowing anyone here. I got a new job, hard and changeling. I had no one to support me, all I got was him. He didn’t run away, he didn’t laugh at my stupid decisions. Instead, he moved here with me and be there for me. He is always the same, the same guy, the same attitude. But, because everything changed around me, I suddenly don’t have all the supports as I had before. All the new challenges are just sweeping toward me, I see clearly about how important he is and I appreciate.
So, I encourage you to imagine when the worst thing happen in your life, the biggest change you have to make, will he be there, will you want him there? Would he present make your life easier ? If yes, then appreciate him from now because he might just be your mountain. For other flowers, just take a look and move on. Your future should be with the mountain.
Find your heart, be honest to yourselves. If you think he is the one, then take the risk and work things out ! Cheers :)
