Christine Trapani
Jul 21, 2017 · 5 min read

Hello. My Name is Christine. And I Have FOMO.

But admitting it is the first step.

What is the deal with FOMO, or the “fear of missing out”? Why do we often become so consumed with what everyone else is doing or has? Why do we care that so and so just bought a new house? Or went on yet another fabulous vacation? Or is spending the summer frolicking at the beach club (again)? How does this empty shell of a human (that’s also been beaten with an ugly stick) seem to have NO problem meeting a never ending stream of guys that she has no appreciation for? Why does this couple that already has all the kids they can handle “accidentally” get pregnant again? And that this same woman who already has the 2 kids (delivered by C-section) looks better in a bikini than you ever did? How did my colleague have such an amazing job opportunity literally fall into her lap? It’s not fair!

No, it seems like it’s not. Now, take the brat hat off and listen up.

I’ve gone through many types of FOMO — and certainly still do at times. Maybe not necessarily (or anymore, that is) to some of those examples I just gave, but to new and different things that may come up depending on what life is throwing at me at the moment. The thing I finally came to understand about FOMO — and none of us may want to hear or admit this — is that it is fueled by 2 of the shittiest emotions on the planet: jealousy and insecurity. But here’s the good news. While admitting you have FOMO is the first step, knowing you’re not alone should be a comforting second.

Why do we care that so and so bought that new house or went on another vacation? Well, because we’ve been struggling financially to get out of that matchbox of a studio we loathe, let alone have enough money to go on any sort of vacation. Or why does it drive us insane that our best bud is spending the summer at the beach club? Because we cannot stand that we not only have to bust our ass working (and to add insult to injury, commute through Manhattan during the “summer of hell” — a moniker that on a side note, our own politicians provided. Lovely.). Why does it bother you that the chick (you think is a complete dick) has all these guys to choose from? Because you have been more un-lucky in love than you think you deserve and just want to find “the one” already. Shouldn’t you be happy for that couple expecting their third little bundle? No, not really because you’ve already spent thousands on fertility treatments, to no avail — and no, you can’t even wear the bikini because you’ve blown up like a balloon from all the hormones you’re taking (and fear you will be mistaken for a beached whale if you dared to wear it anyway). Isn’t it great that she stumbled across a new and better job opportunity? Fuck, no. Your job is unfulfilling, you hate that you have to work at all and constantly dream of scenarios where you can screw with your boss the way he has with you for years. Does any of this sound familiar?

Sure, it does. And if you say it doesn’t you are either a much better human than I am — or just a filthy liar. All of us want the best for ourselves. Wanting more and better for ourselves is human nature. But so is feeling sorry for ourselves at times. And taking it out on those folks that seem to have it all — or at least all that we feel like we’re lacking in ourselves.

So what could we do? How could we finally come clean of FOMO and start on the road to recovery? Here are some ideas:

Take a break from social media: Social media is great for so many reasons — but it fuels FOMO faster than a match in a forest. Social media gives us all an opportunity to show off all the best moments we have in our lives. And why shouldn’t you? You want to share that great vacation you’re having or the pride in your new home you finally moved into or the love for that gorgeous mini human you just brought into the world. Sharing happy moments is one of the joys we should all feel as humans. But sometimes when you’re feeling shitty about yourself, there’s nothing worse. So if needed, take a little break and disconnect until you’re in a better place. But also know this: NO ONE is perfect and social media allows us to paint WHATEVER picture we want the world to see. Think about it.

Think about the root of the issue: Why does it bother you so much that your friend is at the beach club every day this summer? What makes you so angry about seeing that woman show off her figure? What’s driving you nuts about that troll scaring off another nice guy (and how does she do it anyway? Her bush must be blazing…talk about a forest fire…)? Understandably — it’s always easier to talk shit about someone else (guilty as charged). But what we need to really acknowledge is that it’s coming from our darkest, deepest insecurities. Talk it through with a confidant if you can’t work on it yourself.

Now, take action: Figuring out the root of your issue is a HUGE step in the right direction, so kudos to you. Now, what? Start working on an action plan. Sure, it’s much easier to bitch and moan. But, seriously? What a fucking waste of your time and energy. You claim that shitty, thankless job leaves you with no time for yourself? Well so does bitching, moaning and feeling sorry for yourself. Put on your big girl panties (you know, the ones that would be completely falling off your skinny friend with the kick-ass bod) and start thinking about how you’re going to become a better version of YOU. And again, if necessary, seek out a confidant to help coach you.

Take FOMO to a new level: Instead of FOMO standing for “Fear Of Missing Out”, let’s change that. To you, FOMO now stands for “Focus On My Own….” — and then fill in the blank. Whatever it is that you identify and want to start working on — your finances, your love life, your career, your health, your appearance. Whatever it is — don’t think about doing it all at once if you have more than one thing you’d like to work on. Tackle only one thing at a time. In fact, I’ll make it easy for you and give you one generic line: FOCUS ON MY OWN….SHIT! Deal with your FOMOS once and for all.

So find solace knowing this. We all have FOMO to some degree during different times in our lives. But admitting it is the first step. Knowing you’re not alone is a comforting second. But, addressing it is the crucial third step and will put you on the road to recovery. So stop worrying so much about everyone else. And start focusing on your own shit. Because if you don’t, my own fear is that you’ll miss out on something far more important. Your life. We only get one of those. So find the time to make it the best one you can. And you’ll never have to fear you miss out. On any of it.

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