Seek and You Shall Find? The Blinders Need to Come Off First.

Seek and you shall find. Good things come to those who wait. Tomorrow’s another day.

How many times have we heard these sentiments? And how many times do you want to just punch the person square across the face that keeps saying them in general — and especially to you? Seek and I shall find? Well, I’ve been looking for a job for a year and I still can’t find one. Good things come to those who wait? I’m forty fucking years old, every man I meet is emotionally dysfunctional and I’m a tick tock away from my eggs becoming completely powdered. Tomorrow’s another day? Well, with my luck it will be even worse than today. My job is thankless and my spouse is a true turd lately. Is it even possible to have a day worse than the shit show called today? How about YOU go seek? And then you shall find which finger I’m holding up at you right now.

BOO-HOO. Are you done whining yet, princess? Then it’s time to put on those big girl panties, get a grip — and know you’re not alone.

There are SO many times in life when we feel like things are not going our way. I’ve been there many times. We are putting so much of our time and energy into it that we can taste that end prize we are savoring so. We want something so badly and are working so hard on getting there. But despite all the hard work and energy we’ve put out, we’re just not getting there. How is that even possible?? How much more disappointment can you stand? What else could you possibly do to finally have things go your way?

Well, first let’s think about what you’re doing. Let’s look at those scenarios from earlier.

Say for example you’re the person that’s been out of work. You have a kick-ass resume, great experience, are on Linked In consistently, attend networking events, went to a head hunter and rehearsed every potential interview question on the planet. You are an employer’s dream — but it feels like you’re in a nightmare you can’t wake up from. How is it possible you cannot find work? Well, exactly what kind of a job are you looking for? Are you looking to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company and will under no circumstances take anything less?

Maybe you’re the woman that wants to meet the man of her dreams and have a family. You’re religiously on Match.com and putting yourself out there as much as possible. You started taking a class. Even hired a matchmaker at some point. Everyone you know is aware that you’re single, tell you how fabulous you are and can’t understand why you’re still available. But nothing. Well, what are looking for? Someone 6’0’’, dark, never married, no children, independently wealthy, carrying a mighty eight inches and looking to make you their queen?

Are you the person who hates their job — and their spouse lately? You start each day with a smile on your face. You put in whatever extra hours — at work and at home — that are needed to get the work done. You’re a team player and everyone’s “go to girl”, including your spouse’s. You always lend him an ear, encourage him, make sure the fridge is well stocked and he’s never without a clean pair of drawers — if not in his chest of drawers, then in the laundry basket at least. Yet no one — including your spouse — EVER says “thank you”. You haven’t gotten a raise, were passed over for that promotion and feel completely unappreciated. And then you get home to your significant other and he doesn’t even ask about your own day. Why does everyone treat you like a doormat? Well, does anyone actually know how you’re feeling? Or do you just grin and bear it when you plaster that fake smile on your face every morning?

Seeing any common thread here? You may be putting all your energy in getting to your end game — but it may be time to see that end game in a new light. And take the blinders off you’ve been wearing in order to see it clearly again. You had a plan you’ve been working on to get to your end game. But Plan A, is clearly not working and getting you that result you want — and if you remember one of my blogs from way back when — you’ll remember that when Plan A’s don’t work, you have another 25 letters to go (hint — if you didn’t see that post, go take a looksee after this one, check out how my own Plan A failed miserably and hit that heart at the bottom of it if you like that one too….).

The common thread — and point here — is that despite your efforts, it may be time to change something here in order to reach your goal. Think in these terms:

RESET: It’s time to take a little time out. You’re exhausted from running in circles. And are getting nowhere fast. Stop and literally take a break to breathe a little. You need it and those breaths will literally start clearing your mind a bit.

REVISIT: All the efforts you have taken so far. Make a LIST of all you’ve done (yes, I’m suggesting a list again). Having that visual in front of you will truly give a physical dimension to those efforts you’ve made. You’re then ready for the next step.

REDIRECT: What different paths might you take here? How could you approach — or redirect — getting to your end game differently? No luck in the job search? Well, does your skill set qualify you for different positions — perhaps even in a different industry? Think about your love life now. How else might you meet someone? Have you considered men of different age groups, ethnicities or regions? Your biological clock is ticking? Well, is having a child on your own — or adopting — a consideration? Feeling unappreciated? Does anyone even know? You may be hearing all the voices in your head — and some of our very best conversations are with ourselves at times — but no one can actually hear our thoughts. Only our voice.

REDO: It’s now time to start putting the wheels in motion for our Plan B.

Sometimes when we are not achieving those goals we want so badly, it may be time to switch gears. We may not want to face it, but if you could check your ego at the door for a minute — try to consider it. Yes, it is your ego — and insecurities — fueling this. Yes, it’s easier to be a poor me — and no, it’s not about settling at all here. But if you stop, take a much needed time out and spend a little of all that time you’re investing in the end game into actually thinking about WHY you’re not succeeding, you may think of a new approach. This is by far the hardest work we’ll do in any of our journeys. To finally take those blinders off and really look at what we could do differently — or better. No one likes doing that, trust me. I certainly don’t — and didn’t initially when I came to a crossroads in my career, as well as my marriage. But there comes a time when we must. And trust me. Once you do, the future in front of you really will blind you — but with a brightness of opportunity you never thought possible. And sometimes that different path may be one you’ve kept walking right past. So go out there and find it now. You’ll soon be on your way. Taking those shades off is just the first step.

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