Five years ago today, I was checking myself into a local detox facility for the second time in three years. I was a shell of myself and physically dependent on alcohol. I was shaking so violently that I could not write out the necessary paperwork to get into the facility. I could hardly walk as I was so weak. I was severely dehydrated and had not eaten more than a saltine or baby carrot every few hours in 2 weeks. I was gray, wrinkled, and dying. More devastating was the fact that I was emotionally bankrupt and spiritually dead inside. I felt 100% worthless. How could I have let this happen….AGAIN?!
What started out as “Wine down Wednesday” with friends and happy hours in swanky bars had turned into me purchasing a box of wine and a pack of cigarettes to get me through the night. I was a nightly black out drunk. I would drink as fast and as much as possible, after putting my son to bed, before I would pass out. All the while, my precious son was sleeping peacefully in his crib. Oh, the crippling guilt that came along with that was equally devastating.
Whether or not you can relate to any of this specifically, I am sure that you can relate to having experienced devastating things throughout your life. Devastating loss, divorce, abuse, neglect, death. These are all thing that happen to us as human beings. What is not necessary is that you suffer alone. Know this…there is a God. He loves YOU and He is recklessly chasing after you. He wants to wrap you in His loving arms and whisper in your ear “You are my child and I will carry you”.
There is no place too dirty on this planet that He will not enter to find you. He loves YOU right where you are. Whether you are in a penthouse downtown, in the suburbs or in a crack house, He does not care. You are never, ever too far gone. If there is breath in your lungs, there is hope for you to recover. You were created to be free from the weight of this. Whatever this is for you.
Addiction does not have to continue in your life or in the lives of your loved ones for one more day. Reach out to me personally and confidentially and I will point you in the right direction.
In closing, if I can go from being a low-life drunk with and no hope left to living a peaceful, serene and beautiful life, anyone can. The only requirement is a desire to and the willingness to surrender it all. My personal choice has been to fully submit my will and my life to the care of God, attend meetings, surround myself with those in recovery and to be of service to the next struggling addict. It has worked for the past five years, so I believe I will keep it up.
Thank you a million times over to those who paved the way before me, for those in my tribe and my friends and family for supporting me through this life long journey. I am truly thankful for each one of you.
In grateful service,