New Life in the Death of a Fraternity (On the Recent Issues Regarding Greek Life at UCLA)

Written May 18, 2016

“Fraternity” is a loaded label on university campuses. The Greek letters by which we adorn ourselves holds a certain gravitas: from the moment we signed our names into the books and fastened our pins, we have become part of a collective. Here lies loyalty. Here we shall find brotherhood. Though I am in the odd situation of being part of the Greek System, I first and foremost bear the name of Christ. This apparent contradiction is something I have struggled with daily — in the views of society today, the stereotypes surrounding both of these terms are wonderfully intricate and sometimes condemning.

Recently at UCLA, the Pi Kappa Phi Fraternity has come under fire because of some racist remarks and misogynistic comments that were recorded in their minutes from 2013 that were later published in The Daily Bruin.

I’m telling you my story because of the responses of those outside the Greek System, toward Pi Kappa Phi, towards UCLA’s Interfraternity Council, and toward the white supremacy on college campuses as a whole. These comments very much added fuel to the fire and instigated bitter arguments and hate towards people in the Greek System. But these stereotypes don’t always hold true. If you were to look at a picture of my fraternity, which is a historically “white frat,” you will be able to find maybe 20 Caucasians out of the 80 or so men in the fraternity — clearly, things aren’t always what they seem.

So my story may not be what you think it’ll be, and it may not turn out the way you expect. I am just one individual. You can take my experience for what it is. It’s my own arduous passage through life as a college student, in an aspect that is outside the realm of academics. Though the classroom is why I am here, the events that happen outside of the classroom dictate just as much about how I truly grow as a person. My true learning comes from God and the way he speaks to me through family, friends, and mentors. I definitely didn’t get it all right, and still, as I enter my senior year, I don’t pretend to know all the answers. But I believe strongly, that this is a story that needs to be told:

To put it simply, I followed Jesus Christ into a fraternity and I believe God is the only way to heal a broken system that, in many ways, is a microcosm of our broken world. I hope that you will see the people in the Greek System as your fellow humans, who have the same faults we all carry. I am not here to judge, but rather to give a perspective that is less common in Greek life.

The Death of a Fraternity

In recent years, many universities in the United States have increasingly begun to scrutinize the Fraternity and Sorority System as a whole, as allegation after allegation of hazings, rapes, and alcohol or substance abuse continue to dominate campus and national news. The stereotypes surrounding these student organizations are wide ranging but nonetheless used to classify and label the individuals within them.

Frats are white. Sororities are blonde.

They party and drink ’til the early dawn.

Sex, hook-ups, and one-night stands:

Where substances of various kinds are the best intoxicants.

Misogyny and racism are bred here,

And sexual assault and hazing is our greatest fear…

I could probably continue, but you get the picture. To be quite honest, every stereotype is grounded in some truth. In recent years, these images have been reinforced again and again. Although I cannot say with certainty what other Greek houses are like, I will confess that the things we fear about fraternities have been manifest in my own house.

Around 2009, one of the so-called “top houses” at my university came under fire as a result of several incidents, which involved (but was not limited to) alcohol and injury to individuals, culminating in the removal of the organization from the campus. The end of this fraternity marked the end of a chapter and the beginning of an era of rebuilding. Alumni donated time and resources so that a new, modern house was built within 5 years. By 2014, new life emerged from the ashes.

Enter myself, a second year who at this point didn’t want to have anything to do with the party culture of college life or the Greek System. I had been down that path at the beginning of my freshman year and found it really terrible in a lot of ways. I was taking an organic chemistry lab and my lab partner happened to be one of the first members to join what was, at the time, a new colony. At the end of the class, he explained to me the unique situation of the fraternity, and I guess I was intrigued enough to go to rush the following term. Before I could think twice about my decision to even rush, I was given the option to join — and I said yes, though not without doubts and reservations.

But this potential membership did not revoke my identity as a follower of Christ. At this time I was part of a Christian organization that was your “typical” college ministry — except it wasn’t. The vision of this organization was to “Live, Speak, and Experience the Gospel of Jesus Christ both here and abroad.” At its core the international organization was to “Win, Build, and Send,” Christ-centered believers into all the world. One of the main things I learned by being a part of this community of Christians was that living out your faith was possible regardless of where you are and no matter what the situation is. Never before had I experienced a group of believers who truly loved Jesus and followed God like they did: young men and women who showed true grace and love, who acknowledged their sin, and also the difficulties of following God in such a vulnerable way. It was a community that received brokenness with love and joy that can only come from God. It was during my time learning more about God and how to follow him daily that I accepted the invitation to join the fraternity.

My Freak-out, the First of Many

As I struggled through the enormity of what I had just done, joining the fraternity, I immediately began to second-guess the decision. But I also realized that God may have had a plan that I did not yet see. As I talked things out with my parents, they eventually supported my decision, but they were understandably skeptical and worried. They are both immigrants, so their perception of Greek life is pretty much solely based on what the media says about it…which is rarely positive. As I fumbled with my words, I mentioned that I joined “to do ministry.” My closest brothers in Christ also supported me and they have been a firm anchor for me. I didn’t entirely know what “ministry” meant, but I knew that God calls us to speak the Gospel wherever we go. So, with the support of my friends and family, I went.

Internally, my mind is still racing at all the things that could go wrong. It hasn’t been easy. Rarely is there a week that goes by in which I do not consider deactivating and simply walking away from it all. But I couldn’t abandon the friends I have in the Fraternity now. Since God is so relentlessly gracious, who am I to quit?

After joining, I made friends (to varying degrees) who seemed to be looking for something other than the typical fraternity life. They saw what was wrong with Greek life and wanted to change it — I was a bit surprised at this. Demographically, we are as varied as Los Angeles, minus the segregation, but with the ideological divides. We come from walks of life so drastically different that it causes regular discord and disagreements. Eventually these disagreements would thrust me into the middle of a maelstrom of anger and frustrations that come from very different parts of the Fraternity, but are innately rooted in issues stemming from our culture and ultimately our human nature. In many cases, I was the mediator of these arguments. This tested my ability to show grace and the limits of my trust in God were made evident. Those decisions weighed heavy on me, often leading me to the foundation of my own ethics.

Walking with Christ in the Greek System

When I joined the house, I was asked if I drank alcohol. My response was a simple “no” and that seemed to be enough. And though I am now 21, I’ve decided to avoid drinking in the context of the Fraternity. I don’t see anything inherently wrong with alcohol — I just don’t want to build relationships and friendships founded upon it. Often, in the Greek system, alcohol drowns out and replaces traces of real identity. As someone who has tried and seen both ways of doing life in a fraternity, I have found that following God and being present in relationships with a clean and sober mind is much more satisfying and joyous.

Soon after joining, I was given leadership positions that I did not necessarily want — but I guess God had other plans. I have dealt with politics, backstabbing, disrespect, and have seen people judge first and speak quickly. I have become frustrated and disheartened as I watched guys in the house destroy relationships with each other and those around them over trivialities. I’ve been in the position of enforcing rules to protect the lives of others: a small price to pay for possibly keeping a life from going down a path of no return. Though I try to be wise, it is hard to balance firmness and mercy. Only God does this perfectly — I have had to lean so heavily on Him.

One night, I was working what is designated as “Risk Management” in most houses. The job is straight-forward on paper: maintain security and minimize risk so everybody has a good time. In reality, it’s a real Charlie Foxtrot. What starts out as a small party can quickly become an uncontrollable rager. Everyone who’s on the Risk team is sober, but when it’s 10 guys trying to control 150–200 drunk college students, things get out of hand — and this particular night was one of those. A guy got stuck in an elevator for an hour, the guys at the door had to physically restrain drunken people from trying to fight their way inside, people were puking all over the place. I was doing a round on one of the upper floors because of a tip-off that something was going on. Upstairs, I walked past the dorm-style bathroom to see guys doing lines of cocaine. The worst part was that some were friends of mine. I said nothing, and I continued my round. No, the narcotics weren’t accessible because this was a Frat party — they were accessible because it was a college party. Even in my freshman-year dorm, drugs were rampant between both non-Greeks and Greeks alike.

One time we had to do an intervention. We had a guy in the house who had a drinking problem. Yeah, yeah, all Frat guys have a drinking problem right? No, this was actually a lot more serious. The drinking issue caused him to be belligerent and he drank often — too often. He also had no recollection of what happened after he sobered up, and his grades were slipping. I sat him down with a couple other guys and we did what we could to help him fight this addiction. He eventually was able to quit drinking. Currently he has a marijuana abuse problem, which he has asked for help in as well. Baby steps. Big prayers.

Where did I see Life in all of this?

Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Of that I am sure. I have seen him move in this Fraternity far more than I would’ve expected. Though a lot of what I’ve written about so far seems pretty negative, there have been pretty sweet times in the Fraternity as well.

Being a Christian in the Greek System makes you a minority. If you actually follow Jesus, that makes you a minority of that minority. Immediately when I joined I did not hide the fact that I followed God. I think, most guys are aware of that in my house, though they might not understand what that means. Regardless, I was praying that God would let me know who was open to hearing the Gospel and lo and behold, after chapter a few nights later, a guy approached me and said, “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch sometime. I just wanted to know why you chose to follow Christianity. I’ve seen the way you live your life and your optimism. I want to know where that comes from.” We’ve become pretty good friends since then. I’ve told him about my faith a lot and I pray for him continuously. He used to be atheist, but expressed his desire for something more: “I realized [atheism] wasn’t a really good way to live, so I want to explore religion and the positivity you have makes me wish I paid attention in church.” I was shocked. I guess I didn’t think that he, of all people, would seek God…which just shows how foolish I am. My “positivity” is just a reflection of the goodness of God, who is the one continually working in my life.

I’m not the only one who follows Jesus in the Greek system. The small group of us at UCLA recently put on a retreat for Greeks to come hear about Jesus and how to live that out. That weekend, over 100 people from many different sororities and fraternities came and heard the story of the Bible. There were only a few guys there from a handful of fraternities, but I became pretty good friends with them. In conversation, they revealed that they’ve been dissatisfied with what Fraternity life provided, and that God was offering true fulfillment.

I don’t think the answer is to end Greek life at universities. To do so would be to amputate a finger when the issue is an auto-immune disease — the body fighting itself. Fundamentally, we as humans will fail in our endeavors due to our imperfections, regardless of the context. But all things are possible when we walk with God, who provided the ultimate solution in Christ. In Him, I found Life — in the form of a Person, not a system.

Despite apparent darkness, Life is found in the Greek System. God is already working here, and some of us have met him here. Yes, I doubt constantly. But I hold fast to what I know is true. God has led me to my fraternity to make a difference, not just there, but at UCLA as a whole: we can watch Him change eternity for a few individuals. He is a good, good Father, who searches out every one of His children, in spite of how we wander.