I didn’t read the original and am unaware of the prompt, so I’m coming into this blind.
Gabby Davoy Gilliam
11

Hi Gabby,

Thanks for the input and I’m sorry for the long delay in response.

I kept the repetitive use of “rain” here because of the second stanza’s apparent contradiction of the first. I want the reader to pause or even, if you will, stumble over it so that he or she notes the intention of the moment and the kind of rain I’m talking about.

With regards to the second use of “I am” in the stanza about the air strip, I could probably go either way on this now that you mention it. I hadn’t really thought of it before. Your suggested alteration certainly does smooth it out. Rereading it just now, however, I felt the stanza as a whole benefited from the syllabic weight that particular repetition adds to the line. Without it, it seems to flounder a bit. Also I like how “fated” hints at an added repetition of “from.” But who knows? In the future I may disagree with myself and side with you.

I really appreciate your observations. Thanks for reading!

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