Spot on, and well said.
Mateo D
62

Just had a read of your article on borderline and narcissist couplings. I’m a borderline myself and whilst I found it to be a very interesting read I have to disagree with the whole borderline in the seducer role. I’m personally more of a giver and take a lot of blame for a relationship failings, especially one that wasn’t healthy.

I act inwardly not outwardly, I will sit and put up with a lot of behaviours that other people would walk away from and then attack myself over it. I’ll absolve any feelings of guilt that the other person may be feeling by eventually burning bridges in a spectacular fashion. Not everyone with the disorder is how you describe in your piece.

Fear of abandonment has lead me to act in ways that have both been shocking and terrifying to me and has caused me no end of problems, this is something I’m working through.

It’s important to understand that just like everyone else, borderlines are not one and the same. An example of which – not all of us have psychosis or anger issues. We struggle with emotions and sometimes yes, that can cause us to erupt when feeling that we are about to be abandoned. Also you mention how borderline is caused by an environmental factor, this is now being seen as no longer holding any weight. Studies confirm that the brains of borderlines have a smaller amygdala than the majority of people which causes it to overact and thus triggers stronger emotional reactions.

I personally had an amazing childhood with no abuse or any sort of abandonment.

My triggers manifested on being involved with a person who would constantly push and pull and not allow stability, be that cheating or constantly withdrawing. This starts a cycle of anxiety which leads to self hate.

I think what you’ve described is a relationship between 2 narcissistic individuals who are on the same spectrum but at different places. But that’s just my opinion.

Not all borderlines are built the same with different subtypes identified. I am a quiet borderline which means I generally act inward and take a lot of anger out on my self. If I feel suicidal then the urge to follow through is so strong that I will almost act on it. It’s never just a threat or a means to hold on.

I have held on to things that aren’t right for me in the past and that has always ended up badly with some very bad decisions on my part but never in a purposeful way.

Most borderlines will function on impulse and don’t really plan any actions. We just do things.

Very interesting read and just wanted to add my thoughts on this.

Thanks for writing, I really enjoyed it.

Chris

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