:) My therapist bombed me with that one right at the end of a session a few months back. I pondered it…

“Why did I ever buy into that crap?” Often, because we knew no better. Other times, because another person (in this case) betrayed a trust. But I can’t fault myself for ignorance. Late wife um…whipped me into letting someone I DID NOT LIKE rent a room from us. Then I caught them in bed. Then she spend the next 6 years with the attitude that she was always in the right. What did I blame myself for? Trusting her? Yes. Letting her dominate me? Yes. Letting her cause me to question my judgement? YES (and that was the worst).

Another part of it, beyond the forgiving, is attachment, that fine Buddhist concept. Another way of looking at it is that we just don’t like change. (And, off topic, this includes good changes, too.) This is one of the benefits of simplifying down your life. Strip it down. It’s not just the physical stuff that needs to go.

And it’s so often the case that we give others the breaks and understanding we won’t give ourselves. I’ve learned to forgive them for essentially using the overdeveloped speech center of the brain (that nasty little voice that never says anything good or creative) to rationalize their emotional states, prejudices and assumptions. And then I learned to do so for myself.

And to get a little cosmic about it, I’m also quite aware that evolution never finishes, that we are always adapting. But very slowly. I’m a section of a rope that has no bitter end.

I really hope this helps. I’ve seen what men can do to women. (And the converse.) Be patient. This can be the most important thing you do for your own independence.