If the New Orleans Saints were an expansion team in 2017 we’d all hate the name, wouldn’t we?

A satirical look at the bizarre but beloved brand

It’s been a long time coming for sports fans in New Orleans but the time is finally here — there’s a professional football team we can call our own. Not that there’s anything wrong with bleeding LSU purple and gold or Tulane green on Saturday afternoons, but professional football is a different beast. The stakes are higher, the game is faster, the players are just flat out better.

The unnamed franchise plans to plant their flag in the newly constructed Mercedes-Benz Superdome, located next door to the Smoothie King Center which houses the NBA’s Pelicans. A name that the newest NFL owner wishes were available due to it’s popularly (it’s the state bird) and its rich history in the region (the Pelicans were the first professional sports team in New Orleans, originally a minor league baseball team). Since the Pelicans are taken, what direction could the New Orleans NFL franchise go?

A source within the team says the finalists for the team names are “Bulldogs”, “Voodoo”, and “Saints”. Bulldogs stands out as the best possible name because the bulldog is fierce and will strike fear in the heart of their opponents. Imagine being a professional football player getting off the team bus in New Orleans to play the Bulldogs. This name will make the other players nervous and will increase the chances of New Orleans getting the victory.

Voodoo is a great name that will resonate with anyone who loves the city and it’s absurd history. What says New Orleans more than Voodoo?

As for the last name on the list, Saints? Nobody in their right mind would name a professional football team the … Saints? For starters, the religious origins of the name are likely to offend. Not to mention it would be the least intimidating name in the history of the most intimidating sport. Lions, Bears, and Saints?

Who would want to play for them? Who would pay to see them play? Nobody. Not a single soul. It would be a slap in the face of The Big Easy, it would be embarrassing for the sport, and a PR nightmare for the NFL. Best to stick with something generic that won’t make any noise. Something like the Jaguars or the Giants or the Jets or the Panthers or the Falcons or the Titans or the [insert list of pretty much every single team in the league].

Hi, I’m Chris Trew. I run Hell Yes Creative and am forever on tour. I wrote How to Start a Comedy Scene from Scratch, Improv Wins, and Behind The Bench. #NOLA

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