I’m trying a new tactic.
No one is reading my blog. When I become passionate about anything on Facebook, I lose friends and/or follows (I am a Liberal living in a conservative area; I’m surrounded by them). Maybe Medium is the route to go.
I’m tired of not being who I am. I even sent out a tweet last night about stripping my social media profiles of any kind of personality.
Maybe I am facing my “mid-life crisis.” I don’t know. But I’m feeling hugely disconnected from myself, from who I am and allowing myself to be free to be that person.
I am not happy with my job. It isn’t that I have a boss who is mean to me. It isn’t that I’m not good at it. It isn’t that I don’t make decent money. It is hard to be the only person who seems to care about things getting done in a timely manner.
There’s also the lack of romance and of a significant other in my life. I’m coming to see some things about people that seem to indicate that it is never going to be. And that is originally what I wanted to write about here and now; but I think that is something I will ruminate about at another time.
For now, this is just a rambling of thoughts that are going through my head while I try to come to terms with being who I am. Being my true and authentic self without worrying about what other people think; other people including family.
So, how do I start? How do I specifically get past worrying what family think in particular? What certain people whose respect I do not what to lose will think?
If you look at my blog (http://christyherself.me), you will see that I started (in the spring) to work on this with the help of literature and courses from Dr. Brene Brown. Unfortunately, I haven’t dedicated myself in the way that I should to that. I’ve let things get in the way of that — most specifically, trying to find love with someone who really doesn’t want that with me. It’s time to give that up, and work on it. However, the thought of doing so brings about this overwhelming feeling of laziness. Which basically is my mind having a problem with something I need to deal with…some part of my psyche… by choosing instead to sleep (of which I have done a lot of over the past four days).
At any rate. I’m going to try to get better. And when I feel passionate about something, be it politics, social issues, love, sexuality, books, movies, feminism — I don’t care what — I will express it here, rather than Facebook, in the hopes that I can (maybe?) find some like minded individuals; or, at the least, find people who are grown up enough to say we can agree to disagree but still be thoughtful and respectful with our responses.