I don’t know if I’m the “Christy” that you are referring to, but my name is Christy and I did copy and paste that post to my status because I am 100% THAT woman.
First, let me say this… I appreciate your thoughts and your opinions, but I completely disagree with your summary of my post. But that’s what is so great about our country. We can both make our voice heard and agree to disagree.
Second, let me tell you a few things about myself. I am a disabled single mom raising a child on an insanely strict budget. I am a survivor of sexual assault… both molestation and rape (not that one is worse than the other, but just to let you know that I understand all forms of sexual abuse). I grew up in a middle class family home but didn’t know that we lived on a lower class income until after I became an adult. My parents divorced when I was in 4th grade. I graduated high school but had to work 3 part time jobs just to ride the city bus 45 min to go to community college on a PELL grant. I quit before I was able to graduate with a degree due to an emotionally & physically abusive relationship... Only to move on to the next abusive relationship. I slept with a knife and a pair of scissors under my pillow until I was finally able to escape when he was not home. I had no access to our bank account or any money for that matter. My brother had to mail money to a friend as often as he could until I had enough to get a ticket. So, I’m also a survivor of domestic abuse. I worked very hard and worked my way up to Branch Manager for a major bank only to have my life’s rug ripped out from beneath my feet when I became chronically ill.
Below are my responses to your questions and your statements.
- YOUR QUESTION
“Besides the cashier at Target — the one who watches you swipe your bank card and walk out with your $195 worth of whatever you buy at Target — besides that woman, or the woman who stretches out of the drive-thru window to give you your grande skinny latte that you paid for with the app on your phone…. (and here’s the question) When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with a woman whose life isn’t pretty much like yours?”
I talk with women IN DEPTH on a regular basis who are just like me, more fortunate than me and also those who are less fortunate than me. I explained my life in my opening statement. But just to remind you, I am not privileged enough to live the lifestyle that you describe above. Spend $195 at Target… I WISH!!! But I am most certainly blessed by God with a great life, great family, fantastic friends and an amazing child.
2. YOUR STATEMENT
“You said you were being made to feel like you’re a “disgrace to women” because you don’t agree with women who marched yesterday.
That’s a clever opener to get a boost from the girlfriends who might be on the edge of feeling the way you do, and were waiting for someone to say it so they could agree with you. It’s like saying, “I know I’m fat and ugly,” so your friends will rush to your side to reassure you that you’re not.”
I don’t need reassurance from anyone. Never have, never will. I am a strong, independent woman who assures herself daily that “Christy is always ok”. If you could ask my friends, they would tell you that the above quote is my life motto and I say it often and I say it with pride.
3. YOUR STATEMENT
“Again, I’m full of assumptions here, but you feel like your voice is heard, because maybe you have no idea what it feels like to not be heard. You don’t feel like a second-class citizen, because you’ve never been one.”
You’re right, you ARE FULL OF ASSUMPTIONS… and you know what they say about assumptions.
Trust me, having experience with domestic abuse and sexual assault, I definitely know what it feels like to feel “not heard” and I definitely know what it feels like to be made to feel like a second class citizen. But, guess what, I spoke louder and with more confidence. I didn’t need to scream profanities or wear a vagina hat to make myself heard. I also decided that I, MYSELF, decide what kind of citizen I am… not anyone else…and I’m first class darlin’…all the way!!!
4. YOUR STATEMENT
“I have control over my body, too, so I hear ya. In fact, next week, I’m going for my annual pap and mammo. It’s covered as a well exam on my insurance. But, a few years ago, my OB-GYN recommended that I get an IUD. Medically, this was a better choice for me than other hormonal birth control, or no birth control. But the insurance plan I had at the time didn’t cover IUDs. It was going to cost $1,000. The other stuff — pills, implants — was covered 100%, but weren’t right for me, medically. I passed on the IUD and decided to just deal. Because I didn’t need the IUD to prevent pregnancy, but that’s another thing entirely. Sure $1,000 is a lot of money. I could have paid it, but I was pissed off that it was singled out as the one that had a price tag — and a big one at that. I wasn’t going to die and my uterus wasn’t going to be diseased if I didn’t get the IUD, so it was a choice I could make for myself.”
I agree with you that we need to make changes to health insurance. I don’t think it’s fair that your IUD wasn’t covered. My health insurance did cover it. That’s why I think a competitive market is good, AS WELL AS, government provided Healthcare. BUT I do not agree with the practices of planned parenthood. At one time I did agree with their practices, but I have since changed my mind. I do not feel that tax payers should be forced to pay for abortions! I also believe that fathers SHOULD ABSOLUTELY HAVE A SAY when it comes to the rights of the unborn child. That’s my opinion. This will forever be a debate in our country. The law will constantly be reformed. All I can say is the majority vote will win. I don’t have all the answers to our country’s health care problems, but I am open minded to all resolutions and will vote according to my conscience.
5. YOUR QUESTION
“Not everyone gets free reproductive healthcare in this country. Have you ever stopped using birth control because the clinic in your neighborhood closed, and the closest one now is across town, and you can’t get there because you’re working two jobs and someone else in your family uses the one car in the driveway? If you’re feeling OK, putting off that exam for a year, or two, or three is almost always an easy decision when you literally have to decide how to spend the $50 in your hand and your kids need stuff.”
Yes, I actually have had to deal with those issues. I won’t go into detail but I will say that I made a decision that was best for me and my family.
6. YOUR QUESTION/STATEMENT
“I don’t think this needs explaining, but maybe it does. Violence against women doesn’t know zip codes or security gates. It happens to women no matter what their life and economic situation. It may be happening in a house on your street. When women are assaulted (and this has a very broad definition), women have no control over where or how they get hit. Or cut. Or pushed up against a wall. Or followed too closely by a weirdo in a parking lot. Or when fucked with their own hot curling iron. Or dragged by the hair while her kids hear something behind that closed door and they’re crying in the next room and she’s trying to be quiet so she doesn’t scare the kids, but it’s hard to be absolutely silent when she’s sure this will be the time her husband will kill her. It’s really something you should care about and you need to understand that this is in your bubble, even if you don’t know it.”
I know this happens, I’ve lived it, I’ve witnessed it, I survived it and I absolutely DO care about it. This statement of yours angers me because you had no idea that I lived through this, but yet you assumed that I didn’t know it happens “inside my bubble” and then you felt the need to instruct me to care about it. I don’t think there is any woman in this world who doesn’t know this happens in every zip code and in every country AND I sure as hell don’t believe that there is a single woman who doesn’t care about it. So I remind you once again… you know what they say about making assumptions. You definitely proved that saying to be true with this ASSumption.
7. YOUR QUESTION
“You are fortunate. So am I. I don’t have to “get permission” to work (some women in this country do). I don’t have to feel like the hole that is my life is getting deeper and blacker because I don’t have the skills to get the job I want that will pay more, put more food on the table and more gas in the tank. Or don’t have a way to get to work. There are millions of women out there who desperately want to work and can’t afford the childcare. Do you know anyone who has these barriers?”
I sure do… ME! But I didn’t whine about it with a vagina hat on my head. I found a solution… and it wasn’t welfare.
8. YOUR STATEMENT
“The only person who can stop you is yourself.
I feel that way about my life, too. I was raised in an environment where I was nurtured and encouraged. I’m going to guess you were, too. We take that for granted, because we were told from the time we understood language that we could do and be anything we wanted. We were never on the other side of that, where families shrug their shoulders and are a little disappointed when their daughter decides not to finish high school. Her mom and grandma never finished high school, either, College? That’s for kids who live in the neighborhoods where she’s cleaning houses with her aunt; she never finished school, either. Just like the bubble you and I live in, she’s got her own bubble, except it’s not as nice. If you don’t know any women who finished high school or anyone who’s gone to college, and if you aren’t surrounded by people who tell you what’s possible, it’s easy to think it’s not your reality.”
This is another area where that famous saying about making assumptions comes to mind.
Because you have no idea about my life. I can assure you that I never took the blessings that God bestowed upon me for granted. Yes, I was nurtured and encouraged. But my parents… they weren’t. They both came from very poor, dysfunctional families and they still worked their asses off and made a life for themselves. The stories I could tell you about how they were raised would make you think twice about making assumptions. I know how they struggled. I also know that my mother struggled after the divorce to make sure that we didn’t suffer because of their decision to divorce. My mom worked three jobs to provide for her 3 kids. My dad worked day and night to pay what he could in child support. And guess what… my mom and I were THOSE PEOPLE who cleaned condos after the wealthy went back to their homes. My mom didn’t finish high school, but she got her GED after the divorce so she could make a better life for her and her kids. My mom, she’s my hero. I won’t go into detail about the sacrifices she made. BUT SHE COULD TEACH YOU MARCHERS A THING OR TWO.
So, in closing, I stand by my post about the march. I didn’t make any assumptions about anyone. But I did give my opinion on how the marchers didn’t accomplish anything with their vagina hats and profanity filled rhetoric.