Move to Cape Town. Check. Get a job place to stay. Check. Get a job. Check. Go through training. Overwhelmed.
I was sitting in class today and it dawned on me that soon training will be done and I will be a troubleshooter for a tech company. The information sloshing through my brain at immense loads per day is daunting on paper. I realized today that the slight stomach knot was not about passing the assessments but more about my responsibility. It is scared it is going to let someone down. And this drives the machine. Its funny how responsibility is already thinking about losing a client’s confidence even when i have not encountered one yet. Responsibility is strong. It links to managers, team leaders, coaches and CEO’s when teamed with connectedness. And thus creates this overwhelming feeling that lingers like an aftertaste from a bad cup of coffee. But it gets things done. It depends if you view this as negative or positive. Responsibility is great in the sense that it creates a high work ethic. It becomes negative when it pacifies you because of fear. Fear of disappointing yourself and other people. And this is actually all in the mind. The energy that responsibility creates should be directed towards a positive output. That funny feeling in your gut can actually be viewed as a release of energy that motivates drive towards excellence. Its an executing theme and should thus be viewed as that. It wants to please, produce, win, overcome, protect, empower, and drive towards a goal…loyalty. Loyalty between people, yourself and people, and society in general. Its not a bad thing. Its a good thing. I get up in the morning because I have to. It is not a dreary “have to” it is a “have to because I want to”. It has helped me push through in really tough situations where others have thrown in the overused communal gym towel. Yes it can be draining because it takes a lot of energy sometimes to follow through, its like that for most people. But at least you learn new skills as you go along step by step.
Responsibility grows and learns which battles to fight and which to stay out of. Its about boundaries and sometimes its forced into taking the reigns, which is fine, because this is usually where the beauty of it is revealed. And responsibility likes feedback in the form of a thumbs up, high 5's, thank you’s, or a million bucks. Take your pick.