The Illusion of Being Perfect

In a world of Facebook and Instagram we judge the value of our life against the best moments in someone else’s news feed. Or better put:
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” — Steven Furtick
Maybe some of those words resonate with you? The fact of the matter is that it’s all an illusion. If you think for a moment that someone’s life is defined by the 1% you see on someones social media — then think again. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are some great people out there that probably do have amazing lives and everything is just going swell. But in reality, every. single. one. of us are flawed and imperfect.
But before I go on an ambiguous rant, let me be clear — this applies to me as well. I am so far from perfect, I don’t think there’s even a metric I can use to measure it. I struggle with anxiety, depression, feelings of inadequacy and much more. So let’s see how similar we really are. Do any of these sound familiar?
- Hey babe, did you see that John D. got a promotion? He’s got it all together, right? Must be nice.
- I saw that Jane D. and her family just went on their 5th vacation this year. Must be nice to be able to just pick up and leave whenever you want.
- Did you see that the Doe’s daughter just made varsity as a Freshman? I hope my kid does that well.
- Man, the Doe’s look soo perfect together in their pictures. Why can’t my marriage be like that? They must be really happy.
The thoughts go on and on….and on. How do I know? Because I’ve been on both sides of that coin. I’ve had people tell me how perfect my life appears with my brood of beautiful girls, wife, job…yada-yada-yada. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a blessed dude, with beautiful girls and a beautiful wife. But the reality is that there are days where stress gets the best of me and I snap at my wife or kids. Or I make a mistake at work and give my family the cold shoulder. I make decisions all the time that I’m not proud of.
I would even compare my life to others. I wish I could wake up at 5am like that guy. Wish I had a business up and running like that girl. Or I wish I could be as fit as that person.
So what’s the point? The point is that we need to live our own lives. If you actually took the time to reflect back on all the great things you’ve done. You might realize that there’s actually a TON to be thankful for. To avoid feelings of envy, or coveting (remember that word church-goers?), I have spent almost 2 years journaling. In the morning I write 3 things I’m grateful for and in the evening I write things I’m thankful for. From time to time, I look back at old notes and remember those things. It’s amazing how good you feel looking back at things you’ve come through. Or achievements you’ve attained.
Here’s another point. Never forget how far you’ve come. Some of us have had a rough upbringing and struggled with where we fit in. Others had a great upbringing, but have felt the feelings of anxiety and depression over not being good enough. Maybe you grew up without a parent or parents? Perhaps you were hurt in your relationship. Or, maybe your parents struggled with drugs and alcohol? But somehow, you have made it! Most people are NEVER going to know how incredible you really are and how powerful your story is. Don’t make the mistake of forgetting how far you have come. However, that’s not an excuse to stay where you are. You must still grow. But not because you want to mimic someone else’s life.
So as I wrap up, I hope this post inspires you to realize that your life has value. No one is perfect and we shouldn’t fall prey to that illusion. No matter how many beautiful family pictures you see, or couple photos that cross your feed. Don’t compare where you are in life to where someone else is. We’ve all arrived where we are for a reason and it’s up to us to make a life we’re proud of. So the next time you fight the feeling of envy, try and be happy for them instead. Because you never know what’s happening behind the scenes. Maybe that couple is rebuilding their relationship and they’re trying to save their marriage, or maybe that dad or mom is finally catching up with their kids after working every day the past 2 weeks. Or possibly, they are at their whits end and are holding on by a thread and they just needed to feel normal even for a moment.
So I encourage you, to put your phone away and take a deep breath. Close your eyes and take a moment to reflect on your life. Remember, you are the perfect you and there will never be another like you.