First, let’s talk about what these terms mean. Attachment anxiety is when you’re obsessed with “the availability of [your] romantic partner” and feel extreme jealousy when you think that “availability” might be in jeopardy. Attachment avoidance is when you try not to get close to your romantic partner in order to avoid pain.
Although I don’t expect for all masculinity to look “soft”, I do think that all masculinity should look healthy, which at the end of the day I believe comes down to an understanding of one’s own and emotional needs and an ability to communicate them to others with words, as well as, respect the emotional needs and wants of others, without perceiving them as threats to one’s own masculinity.
It took me a few years to eventually meet my first serious partner, who I give so much credit and appreciation for doing the emotional labor to hold a lot of space for my internalized toxic masculinity, while lovingly calling me in, not out, on it every time and wouldn’t settle until I softened myself and began treating them with more love and respect. I think that’s the greatest learning that I’ve taken forward with me into all my relationships — friends, family, lovers, etc.