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The Dreadful Beauty Of Death: Why I Think About Death Now More Than Ever

19 Year Old Rapper XXXTentancion 1998–2018

What topic can be more unpopular than death? Especially if you have ever lost a loved, the topic can trigger a magnitude of emotions.

I remember watching my father sob in tears on his bed with our family by his side as my mother mentioned the news of my uncle, whom I have never met, passing away, was the closest “death of a loved one” I have experienced so far. Yet, I only cried cause my Dad was crying.

The reason for bringing this up? A combination of events in this season of life has been placing me in deep inner dialogue about my limited time in this world. Far from suicide, even apathy, but a grounded sense of my mortality.

See, At 24 and many times finding myself discontent because of many attachments towards the how this and that should be, now and days the calming perception of realizing I will one day die keeps me in check.

It is the dreading yet beautiful reminder.

One of the reasons I enjoy metal so much, besides the awesome guitar riffs, is the raging expression of the misery and pain which isn’t commonly expressed with authentic depth in the world around us. Its the anger of not knowing the why’s and how's of life and all you can do and scream in rage.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no fan of sitting around listening to emo and gothic music to pet such glooming emotions. At least for too long.

But I am huge proponent for feeling whatever it is I feel. Even if its the grieful sensation of helpless apathy sprung up from the almost forgotten memory that I will one day die.

Nothing Remains The Same

As people, we tend to avoid what we dread. Its our psychological makeup. Its also second nature to act and live as if we will live forever in this day and age.

To act as if everything will always be the way it is

To act as if the kids wont grow up and change

To act as if we will never turn 45

To act as if our economy in the Western World will always remain the dominate Market Place

To act as if the people we take for granted will continuously pursue us.

To act as if our dreams will one day become a reality out of sheer luck in some distant future

My point is, Its not just the death of our physical bodies I am talking about, but death in the most metaphorical sense possible.

To Die is to live

My generation, Millennials, have grown to a dynamic cultural and traditional shift. Well, what generation hasn’t? But our generation is slowly moving away from ancient teachings that have proved the test of time.

Rather it be from the Bible, Torah, or the Baghdad Ghita , such scriptures and knowledge passed down from generation to generation all have these major themes in common…

  • That we are accountable to the Creator and His universal laws
  • That each individual has a specific duty to fulfill on this plane
  • That we are to constantly die to our egos and give space to God
  • That death is the reward
  • The World as whole will soon no longer be

Rather you be Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Spiritual, or Atheists, one cannot argue that each of us have limited time on this plane.

Now, I am no believer that God has written down the day you die and every event was by “fate” to lead you to that day. I am sure for the young rapper who recently passed away at only 19 years, XXXTentacion, God didn’t sit there saying:

“Thou Shalt get shot by a couple gangsters”

Sometimes we create our own deaths by the lifestyle we choose. Its not God’s fault or even the devil’s, Its called the curse of Free-Will.

With that being said, it is important to observe the ancient teachings that many civilations before our time understood about the nature of death;

We will not be here forever so do what you can with what God has given you

Each of us have limited time in this chaotic, yet beautifully designed world.

When I study men and women who inspired others to move towards a cause bigger then themselves, men like: Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King jr, Malcom X, and even Tupac Shakur ( You don't need to be a saint to move people)

All understood that:

  • Death may be a consequence of their actions and beliefs
  • To fully live one must die to his or herself
  • The Cause was worth dying for

We must find that fire within us again that screams “I will die for this cause!”

We must die to our opinions about how we, others, and the world should be.

We must die to our old patterns to birth new ones.

We must die to our fears and attachments to outcomes in order to take bold steps ahead.

Life is just that; Birth and death.

Everything, from the grass, tree, and the animal dies and somewhere birth is given. So what makes us so eager to strive towards the illusion of living forever?

Die to Yourself

Those of us who are stuck in the same cycle of issues are resisting the natural order of evolving. For short, refusing to die to our attachments. Those who still hold on to past breakups, mistakes, prejudices, and hate are not allowing the natural course of evolving.

Because to evolve, we must first die.

That is the concept of Heaven. Evolving from the physical plane to the spiritual.

But you see, the goal is not to go to heaven, the goal is to bring heaven on earth. As Jesus says in the Lord’s Prayer,

“Thou will be done on earth as it is in Heaven”

When I realize how short life is starting to become, my bones are filled with courage to birth the vision God has put in me. To bring Heaven on earth, as we are all created to do.

To enjoy the moments I have with the people I care about. To be radically honest with myself and others about how I really feel and see the world around me in this current season.

Because in the end, None of it will be here forever.

Many people have died early because of stress inducing secrets.

Many people have lived their wholes lives chasing illusions.

Many people have died early because of imaginary monsters in their heads.

Worst, many are still living but walking as zombies, empty and void of human fulfillment.

Why Write about Death?

Well one, we may not all worship the same God but we damn sure agree that we will all one day die.

Two, this is also a letter to all my fellow millennials out there who believe they are called to make a difference.

People think death is hard, I say no.
I say Death is easy but Living is hard.

Its easy to die. Why do people choose suicide when things get to hard? Its a cop out.

However, Its also easier to kill the best parts of yourself than it is to die to your Higher Self. For short, surrendering to God.

Its easy to kill the voice inside you that is calling you to something greater.

Its easy to kill off the young boy or girl in you that wants to make a difference and walk in a higher purpose and standard.

Its easier to kill time by consuming, and eating, and drinking, and being merry.

Its easier to clock in and out to some bullshit job we do not enjoy to pay bills for things we never should have bought in the first place.

Its easier to die. But harder to live.

Living requires work and conscious effort. We don’t like work. We don’t want to make that phone call to that person whose feelings we hurt and apologize because we will do it ‘tomorrow’.

We don’t want to take care of our bodies in the smallest practical ways because we are “still young.”

We don’t want to start that business because the time is not right.

We don't want to honestly connect with others because we may get hurt….again.

We are all too scared and too tired to actually LIVE.

How many people do you see actually happy? Like really happy and enjoying their life, work, and constantly moving forward? I know a lot, but unfortunately I know more that don’t.

Living requires decisions, responsibilities, and most of all, God. We cannot live without the Life Giver.

Living requires dying. Dying to our egos and surrendering to God.

Living requires facing resistance and what is uncomfortable.

However, the reward of living is an abundant and blissful life.

What I get From Thinking About Death?

In truth, I am not perfect, many times I am just as attached to bullshit than anyone. But when God reminds me of my short days on this earth, I get less fearful.

I become more courageous and bold in my daily life.

I constantly take my writing and education seriously.

I face fear head on.

I allow myself to fail knowing that failing is not the end of the world.

I choose to tell hard truths to myself and others knowing Its either now or never.

I start to give less fucks about being the perfect Christian or brother, or friend and even person.

I start to care less and less about people, especially women’s, validation. (Women’s validation can still be one of my biggest weaknesses)

When I think about death, life becomes much more worth living. I start to remember who and what is really important in my life.

When I think about death, I feel calm. I feel free. Because I know that out of the 99 worries I truly only have one thing worth living for.

(Ok Ill be real like three but it I felt like it read better)

What are those three things?

Well, that's for me to know and for you to find your own top important things that matter more than life itself.

Because many people are willing to live but few are willing to die for a cause greater then themselves…

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