How “Weird Al” Yankovic’s Music Saved A Trans Woman’s Life
Have you ever felt like you were an outsider? Have you felt that maybe you weren’t like other people and that you didn’t fit in? I certainly have throughout my entire life and I’m willing to bet that I am not the only one. Hello everyone. My name is Chrystal and I am a 29 year-old Transgender Woman who still happens to be in the closet at the time of this publication. My life has been filled with very few constants, but the two that stand out is my consistent struggle in coming to terms with my Gender Identity and my love for musical comedy legend, “Weird Al” Yankovic. I know that seems like those two things may be at odds with one another, but Weird Al’s music not only changed my life for the better it still continues to be a positive force I circle back to constantly. After having read the brilliant New York Times article, The Weirdly Enduring Appeal of “Weird Al” Yankovic, written by Sam Anderson I realized that something was missing from this discussion of outsiders. There were no featured voices or discussions of those of us within the LGBTQ+ community that has been inspired or comforted by Weird Al’s innate ability to draw in and speak to crowds of isolated outsiders. While reading through this editorial I had discovered something I never really gave much thought to. I found out that I have been more comforted in my own identity by his music than I ever even realized at the time. I hope that by sharing my own life experiences and the ways in which Weird Al has made me feel more comfortable in my own skin that those of you who are struggling will feel a little less alone.
My Struggle with Identity
The best way to dive into this conversation is to look at who I am and why I have become the woman I am today. My Gender Identity is at the core of who I know I am today, but it was something that I was incredibly fearful of expressing when I was younger for a multitude of reasons.
I grew up with a family that bought into hardline conservative thought in the Early 2000s. It was a heavy Catholic and Fox News household and I absorbed all of it. I even took on some of those beliefs, concepts, and attitudes. There was a lot I did to fit into the strict Gender norms and roles I was expected to be. I have a lot of deep and dark mixed feelings from this time because I knew something was different. I was never like anyone else. I never fit in to what was expected at my elementary school and I certainly didn’t feel happy in any meaningful way. I didn’t really understand why or what was causing the pain. I tried to make friends but I always felt so disconnected from everyone else. When being a part of typically male coded activities I often participated just so that I wouldn’t feel like an outsider, but something was always off. I knew there was this tiny voice inside of me that I pushed deep down, but it was inevitable it would come to the surface eventually. I felt like being forced to succumb to my expected Gender was hell. I never liked pretending to be that way, but I did it to survive. This pushing down and fear I had of pushing against the Gender norm was so strong I never took the time to look into it properly. At that time I wouldn’t even know what being Trans was, but I had dreams and constant thoughts of being the woman I am. It became even more overwhelming when I was in the midst of puberty. My true Trans identity was always there but I never connected the dots. The pain was immense. I was scared and didn’t feel like I had the proper guidance during that formative time.
The best thing I did have going for me was my love for art in all forms. I have always been a fan of pop culture, film, television, video games, and certainly music. It was a constant when things were rough. I listened to all sorts of genres and styles of music in addition to my indulging in my lifelong passion for film. While I was dealing with the conservative household I was luckily not barred from being introduced to the media that my family loved, which in turn made me a fan of a lot of cinema and music from the 1980s. My family lived out their teen years during the time so being turned on to that time period seems very obvious now. This isn’t weird on the surface, but it certainly was different than most of my peers at the time. It just added to my overall feeling of weirdness, but I didn’t care because it made me happy. I enjoyed most music to a degree, but it wasn’t until I discovered an artist who was playing at a local fair. His performance screamed a youthful energy and zaniness. I wasn’t aware of who he was at the time, but the combination of comedy and impeccable musical skills sold me on him. I was immediately hooked into what I didn’t realize would be a lifelong and continual passion for “Weird Al” Yankovic and his music.
Weird Al’s Music
When I discovered Al’s music it felt as if some light switch turned on. I realized how different music could be. I realized that art can be used to dissect and mock what we think we know. I realized that creativity didn’t have to be stifled by a very limited view of what it is expected to be.
“Weird Al” Yankovic is obviously known for his signature parody songs and albums. His music videos reflect his zany personality he has crafted in addition to his incredibly well structured and thought out live performances that are unlike any other musician in its joyous creativity. All of this passion has led him to continual success over the years and a continually growing fanbase. Fans of his range in all ages because of his dedication to well-crafted music and humor without falling into unnecessary shock value. He is an easy talent to latch on to, but he is also a voice for the outsiders and when I discovered him that is what I felt immediately. This music and his persona spoke to me during a time in which I would have been lost without it. Something about connecting with this outside of the box level of personality fit perfectly with my own feelings of being different from everyone I knew. It was for a long while one of the only things that brought me joy in my life.
I didn’t have many friends and I was often bullied on top of struggling with my Gender Identity, which has become much clearer with age. I look back and see a scared and confused girl who didn’t know she was being forced into spaces and situations that made her very uncomfortable. Weird Al’s zany and silly music were not only an escape for her, but a lifeline. I see now that looking back that without him I have no idea where I’d be or who I’d be. I’m worried that if I didn’t find him I would still be lying to myself and maybe be in even worse shape. The music was such a positive influence that it has remained a part of my life to this day. I’ve had some tragedy happen during the course of my life including the passing of my father, the betrayal of friends, and the difficult journey of walking back thought patterns and behaviors that made me blind to my own true identity. The music was always there and having it at such an impactful age has consistently forced me to analyze how I view the world then and especially now. One of Al’s greatest strengths as an artist is his ability to bring Joy and acceptance of being different into a more mainstream light.
LGBTQ+ Absence From Discussions
I became a fan at a time when the Internet was not like it is now. There wasn’t a plethora of social media websites dedicated to stating your thoughts. There were small communities. I was never a part of those online spaces and my community was just the people I knew in person, but Al penetrated that space and gave me some other hope to latch on to for support and I know for a fact that I am not the only person who was helped by his music. Fans have always brought up that his music gave them something that spoke to them. One variation of this that I don’t see often enough is the ways in which outsiders are described. The old Geek adage of feeling weird or different is always through a mostly Cis-Heteronormative perspective. It has been rare that fan perspective has taken into account the quieter, marginalized individuals, which includes LGBTQ+ people like myself.
I had a hard time with my own journey to discovery. It took me until 2016 at age 25 to really find a way to be accepting of who I am and stop lying to myself. The hiding has hurt me greatly. I wish I had the information to have come to the realization of my true identity much sooner, but at least Al’s music dulled the pain. I’m also concerned that while things have gotten better in terms of visibility for LGBTQ+ individuals there still isn’t enough of an observation of us in certain Geek spaces. Our views are often looked over and we are pushed to the side in favor of Cis-Het people. The same concern is valid when discussing the fandom of Weird Al. I highly doubt that I’m the only Trans person who has had his music there for them when they needed it. I don’t think I’m alone in this and I have yet to see this discussed in a broader sense, which is frustrating. I know if I was younger and got an opportunity to see more people who love the same person express those same feelings I had I know that I could have been better equipped to have been more accepting of myself at an earlier age. Representation matters and ignoring us will only help to make us feel even more marginalized and mistreated.
The comedic stylings of Al has touched the hearts of so many people. He has given quite a lot of Joy and while I don’t believe that people should worship a celebrity I believe there is credence to recognizing what that celebrity has brought into the world. I’m eternally grateful for his music and I’m certain that other Queer people feel the same as me, but I feel that maybe they have been more hesitant to talk about it. Even for those that are willing to be open about it all could still be pushed to the side. This sentiment may be centered on Weird Al based upon my own personal experiences, but this can and should easily apply to other underdog fandoms that may not have as vocal a Queer audience. We need more voices willing to lend their perspectives and by stepping forward I genuinely hope that this can be a catalyst.
Final Thoughts
It is impossible to explain the intense positive feelings of being accepting of yourself. Taking off the weight of my taught internal transphobia was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I finally feel like I’m at one with my womanhood even if I can’t express that externally at this time. This sucks, but it has made me reflect on where I gained the courage to do so. I realized that even though the music of Weird Al signified an important and influential time in my life it also helped to get me through the rough times. It taught me to care not only about myself, but about others. It also taught me about acceptance of one another despite and because of their differences. It may have taken time to shrug off the toxic things I was taught, but having a positive thing to go back to really kept me on the right path. I genuinely hope as time goes on the face of fandom can shift towards more diverse representation especially for my Queer family. I would love to get a chance to meet and talk with fellow Trans Weird Al Stans like myself. I also hope that no matter what fandom you happen to be a part of I want you all to be accepted in the joyous content that keeps you all going. We all need to feel seen and loved.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts on this mostly heavy subject matter. If you like it please follow me here and share my articles with anyone you think would find them interesting. Your support means everything to me.
