College Football Goes Pop Punk!

Chuck Salek
Aug 8, 2017 · 17 min read

Which Warped Tour favorite represents how your fan base is feeling coming into the 2017 season?

College Football is undeniably mainstream. However, it will always be overshadowed by the NFL. Therefore, the sport strikes that balance between being unavoidably popular and being a niche item. Kind of like how pop punk strikes a balance between Top-40 and garage rock.

Winning a conference title is pretty punk rock. Rock on, Western Michigan. (Photo credit: https://www.usatoday.com )

One recent afternoon, I was in the process of mentally preparing myself for a run and scrolled through Apple Music’s “For You” selections for the right playlist. I came across a suggestion that intrigued me. It was called Jukebox Hits: Pop Punk. The playlist did not disappoint and it also steered me towards this idea. I became wildly passionate about college football at a time in my life when I was wildly passionate about pop punk music. While these two concepts may seem unrelated, I’ll argue that the two worlds intersect.

I thought about how College Football probably has the most outrageously passionate and angst-ridden fan bases in comparison to other sports. Surely these fans can relate to the overarching themes of the pop punk genre! They’ve had their feelings hurt; they’ve been (fairly and unfairly) treated like they’re crazy and irrational; they find themselves sticking it to the man (in this case, the College Football Playoff Selection Committee).

Green Day (Photo credit: https://twitter.com/greendaynews )

And yet, you still can’t get rid of these College Football fans. They’re coming to your party and skateboarding into your pool whether you invite them or not!

Growing up can be painful at times; so can being a college football fan.


“Self-Esteem”- The Offspring

Fan base: Georgia Bulldogs

This one felt like a layup to me. Since I became enamored (read:obsessed) with college football circa 2004, Georgia has been perennially relevant in the sport’s landscape.

Quick tangent: During high-school, I was essentially a free agent as I lived in New Jersey where there was not a strong college football presence in my area. (Sorry Rutgers fans, but don’t @ me). I rooted for Notre Dame because both of my parents graduated from there but I kept tabs on several other programs. The Georgia Bulldogs were one of these programs.

I loved the Matthew Stafford-Knowshon Moreno- A.J. Green teams and believed that the Dawgs were going to win the National Championship in 2008–2009. How could they not with all that talent? Well, they didn’t. They finished 10–3 with a couple of blowout losses to Alabama and Florida and a loss to their less-talented rival Georgia Tech. You know what they say Dawgs fans, “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?”

Since that season, there have probably been three other seasons in which I predicted before the season that Georgia was going to win the SEC and a National Championship. I’m still waiting to be right. I’m not unlike all you loyal Georgia fans who enter every season believing that your Dawgs are a contender to win the SEC, if not the National Championship. Just like The Offspring, Bulldogs fans always lured into the hopes that things will be different this time. Like clockwork, Georgia enters the 2017–2018 season with a talented roster and conference championship dreams. You’re not dweebs, Georgia fans; you’re just suckers with no self-esteem.

“Longview”- Green Day

Fan base: Alabama Crimson Tide

It must be pretty boring being an Alabama Football fan amidst this Saban Dynasty. Nothing short of an undefeated National Championship season is worthy of a celebration for folks in Tuscaloosa. Frankly, even this type of accomplishment might be met with a yawn by some members of the Crimson Tide fan base.

You are firmly in championship-or-bust mode, ‘Bama fans. The regular season is merely a formality that you have to twiddle their thumbs and sit through in order to inevitably receive your National Championship trophy. We know you guys are “sick of all the same old shit” and can no longer get excited about 49–0 wins against so-called SEC rivals.

Once in a while, though, your team doesn’t inherit its rightful championship. And during these times, I imagine that all you previously bored ‘Bama fans think back to that first title under Saban or the Bear Bryant era and “take [yourselves] away to paradise” to these memories. Just remember y’all: to paraphrase our friend Billie Joe Armstrong, when National Championship Game appearances have lost their fun, you’re fucking lonely.

“Flagpole Sitta”- Harvey Danger

Fan base: Florida State Seminoles

Talkin’ ‘bout the ‘Noles! And since we’re here, let’s talk a little bit about the ‘Noles fans, a group that has embraced its role as the “heels” in the college football fandom landscape. Thus, they’ve gone into full Harvey Danger mode. (Maybe we can start calling them Flagpole Sitta University? They can even keep the FSU insignia!) The ‘Noles fans have certainly enjoyed a successful run by their team during the Jimbo Fisher.

However, the rest of the country has delighted in any nationally televised FSU defeats and loves to throw much-deserved shade your way, ‘Noles fans. At first, you resented this and complained about how unfair it is that everyone hates your squad for no reason while the college football-watching public collectively rolled our eyes. Eventually, though, you embraced this heel turn and seemed to cherish their role as college football’s most despised fan base. Rather than dwelling in the “paranoia, paranoia, everybody’s coming to get me” mindset, you folks adopted the “I wanna pierce my tongue it doesn’t hurt it feels fine” mindset. Looks good on you, ‘Noles fans. Regardless, we still don’t like you :) .

“Roots Radical”- Rancid

Fan base: Ohio State Buckeyes

Buckeyes fans are a defiant bunch. They always scoff at any notions that their beloved football squad is not the best in the country. They maintain their edge by citing the hatred of their squad by the media (untrue) and by other college football fan bases (very true). Nevertheless, the Ohio State faithful have adopted a punk rock mentality.

You’re a household brand and also an acquired taste, Buckeye Nation. Hey, that sounds a bit like Rancid’s place in the punk rock scene! Better known and more widely popular than its contemporaries yet edgy enough to turn off many listeners. As Ohio State fans, you just mock the haters and shout “Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah” whenever anyone has the temerity to suggest that your Buckeyes are not Number One. “Give ’em the boot,” Buckeye Nation will say of the naysayers. You know that you’re superior to the rest of us regardless of what the rankings say. We’ll let you be and tell ourselves it’s just a phase you’re going through.

“Dammit”- blink-182

Fan base: Washington Huskies

I wouldn’t be surprised if some in Seattle actually repeated “Well I guess this is growing up” to themselves while watching their beloved Huskies Football squad get humbled by Alabama in the Peach Bowl on New Year’s Eve. There is no shame in losing to Bama, although that was probably little solace to U-Dub fans in the moment. On the bright side, Washington Football returned into the national spotlight where it hadn’t been in quite some time.

But part of growing up is realizing that you’re not quite ready for certain things yet. In blink-182’s case, it’s relationships they’re not ready for. In Washington’s case, it was a National Championship. But the growing pains will heal and the Huskies will be stronger from the experience. And you’ll be stronger, too, Huskies fans. Maybe you’ll be singing a different tune at the end of this coming season. Then again, it took our buddies in blink-182 a long time to grow up. Let’s see what 2017–2018 brings you, Huskies fans. Either way, remember to have fun!

“Disconnected”- Face to Face

Fan base: Nebraska Cornhuskers

I have not yet made a trip to Lincoln, Nebraska to visit Memorial Stadium. I have heard many wonderful things about the game day experience here and the friendliness of the fans. I’m sure they are all lovely Midwesterners that are simultaneously gracious hosts and passionate football fans. However, I feel that much of the fan base is still a bit disconnected about realistic expectations for their beloved Huskers. Nebraska’s last Head Football Coach, Bo Pelini, was forever on the proverbial Hot Seat in Lincoln and was eventually fired after seven seasons in which he always won either nine or ten games (Pelini’s won over 71% of his games as Nebraska Head Coach). Part of Pelini’s firing was due to his abrasive demeanor but nonetheless, Nebraska fans wanted him to win more. Face to Face would scold you: “You don’t know what you will give up” in parting with those automatic nine-win seasons.

It’s not the ‘80’s or the ‘90’s anymore, Husker fans. In 2017, Nebraska Football is a solid program but not an elite one. The folks in Lincoln are passionate which is awesome. But let’s become more connected to the current college football landscape. Be proud of contending for Big Ten championships; don’t assume that witnessing a National Championship is your birthright as Nebraska Football fans. If your squad wins a National Championship anytime soon, I will gladly tip my cap and admit I was wrong. Until then, lower the expectations and take note of the new hierarchy in the sport. You’ll be happier in the long run. I shouldn’t be so harsh, though; I should understand that “it may take you years to find out” what are realistic expectations for your squad. Once you figure this out, it’s your decision to accept (or deny) them.

“The Middle”- Jimmy Eat World

Fan base: Oklahoma State Cowboys

This pairing works on multiple levels. Oklahoma State is quite literally in the middle of the country (some might say Stillwater, OK is the middle of nowhere but I’m nicer than this). They also usually sit in the middle of the top-25 college football polls, which is a respectable distinction.

However, from the outside-looking-in, one gets the impression that the Cowboys’ fans want more national recognition and respect for their football program. To which I’ll direct them to the smooth crooning of Jim Adkins, Jimmy Eats World’s lead singer, as he’ll reassure OKST fans “Hey, don’t write yourself off yet; it’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.” We might show more love to your fellow statesmen at OU, but we still appreciate your program, Cowboys fans. Just stay patient, keep being yourselves, and your time in the spotlight will come. After all, rival Oklahoma has a new Head Coach so you might be able to benefit from its adjustment period. Remember peeps, “It just takes some time [Cowboys fans] you’re in the middle of the ride; everything, everything will be just fine; everything, everything will be alright.”

“Teenage Dirtbag”- Wheatus

Fan base: Wisconsin Badgers

Let me clarify: I am not literally calling Wisconsin fans teenage dirtbags. This is merely a convoluted extended metaphor. You see, Badgers fans, your program has long been overlooked and shoved aside by the jocks that are the fans in the big, bad SEC. No matter that you’ve defeated some of their teams in recent years, your program still doesn’t belong at the cool kids table they scoffed while not inviting you to their keggers. But on behalf of rational college football fans, Wheatus is here to tell you: Those other fans don’t know what they’re missing.

Chin up, Badgers fans. Just enjoy watching your team take care of business and plow through its easy schedule this year en route to claiming the Big Ten West Division title. And if you win the Big Ten Championship Game as an underdog against whichever team wins the East Division, then I promise you that the pretty girl you’ve had a crush on (College Football Playoff Selection Committee) will walk up to you at Prom (Playoff Selection Show) and tell you that she’s got two tickets to the Rose Bowl, baby; come to the Playoff, don’t say maybe. We’re all just teenage dirtbags like you, Wisconsin fans.

“Ocean Avenue”- Yellowcard

Fan base: Florida Gators

“If I could find you now, things would get better.” Apparently, the guys from Yellowcard can sympathize with Gators fans longing for the days of Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow. The Florida Gators program has been mostly successful even since the departure of its legendary former coach and its generational superstar quarterback. And yet, it still has felt like something is missing in The Swamp.

While the defensive units for Florida have been perpetually stellar, Gators fans have not seen much progress from the offensive units under previous Coach Will Muschamp and current Coach Jim McElwain. Like our friends in Yellowcard, Gators fans might prefer to bask in the nostalgia of the times when they celebrated the championships during the Meyer-Tebow era by “staying up all night.”

But ultimately, Gators fans, you know that its best to enjoy the present and move forward with the team you have. You need to believe that someway, somehow you’ll have another elite quarterback that will revive your Offense. One that can take you away to another National Championship celebration that you can cherish together.

“What’s My Age Again?”- blink-182

Fan base: Notre Dame Fighting Irish

I hope I’m overreacting (remember, I grew up an Irish fan) but I think the folks in South Bend are going to experience an identity crisis. The Irish were expected to contend for a National Championship last season and they finished 4–8. The mockery from ND haters was aplenty because, to paraphrase Mark Hoppus of blink, nobody likes you when you’re an independent team that rebukes conference affiliation. Yes, part of Notre Dame Football fandom is accepting that opposing fans will never show any empathy during rough stretches. Another part is having high standards and expectations for the football program which is perceived as arrogance (this perception may or may not be fair). A season like last year’s 4–8 campaign is viewed as unacceptable but still doesn’t temper the expectations for competing for trophies.

The schedule looks like it is more favorable on the front half than it is on the back half (Georgia is the one potential roadblock in the first month but the Irish play this game at home). However, Irish teams have been known to hit potholes even when the road looks clear (think Tulsa, Navy, Pitt, UConn, etc.). To tie it into a convoluted extended metaphor as I’m wont to do: Irish fans have often been like Mark in the above song. You’re making out with the idea of a National Championship, the National Championship opportunity takes off your pants…and then you turn on the TV. And that’s about the time your championship hopes walk away from you. Nobody likes you when you’re UND. And you still act like you’re the best program. What the hell is ACC? You never want to join a league. What’s your ranking again?

“Welcome to Paradise”- Green Day

Fan base: Auburn Tigers

“Some call it slums, some call it nice.” The football snobs that root for hated rival Alabama might consider anyone that roots for Auburn to be slumming it. I, on the other hand, went to Indiana University and I can tell you that I was envious of Auburn students when it came to the football team that they had. So there you have it, Auburn fans. Any whining to me about 8–4 or 9–3 seasons will fall on deaf ears. However, I can still imagine the struggles that befall a fan base that is constantly measuring its team against a bitter rival that is the sport’s undisputed gold standard. That’s probably not fun. But as the cliche goes, “when rival teams play, you can throw out the-”

Wait a second…am I really feeling bad for Auburn fans? Didn’t you guys experience an undefeated National Championship season in 2010–11 with a QB that might actually be Superman? And wasn’t it just a few years ago that you guys witnessed two all-time great wins on your home field in the same month? And wasn’t one of these wins against aforementioned Alabama on arguably the greatest game-ending play of all-time? Didn’t these wins send you guys to a National Championship Game? Stop complaining about your program. Welcome to paradise.

“Fat Lip”- Sum 41

Fan base: Stanford Cardinal

Good afternoon, Stanford undergrads. You might be too proud to admit it, but I guarantee that you still get down to Sum 41. Whether you own up to this or not, this song is still emblematic of your Cardinal’s place in college football. Stanford Football doesn’t feel the need to “waste [its] time and become another casualty of society” by generating pointless off-season hype and chasing headlines. Stanford Football also doesn’t see the need to “become another victim of your conformity” by transforming its playbook to fit in with the spread offense phenomenon.

Take note, college football: Stanford Football doesn’t give a shit about your opinion. Despite losing a superstar running back to the NFL, I know that all you Stanford fans know that your team is going to reload and stroll into the 2017 season “like [its] name is El Nino.” If the college football universe tries to ignore your program, your Cardinal will just “trash [their] own house party cause nobody came” while they spitefully win the Pac-12 conference title.

“The Boys of Summer”- The Ataris

Fan base: Texas A&M Aggies

Since the Aggies are second-class citizens in the Texas college football landscape, they get a song that’s a remake. (OK, that’s way too mean, sorry guys.) Nonetheless, the Aggies have certainly been Boys of Summer in the Kevin Sumlin era. They find themselves in the preseason top-25 polls; prognosticators gush about how lethal the Aggies offense will be; many folks claim that the coaching staffs digging for top recruits in recent years will finally strike pay dirt and the A & M Football squad will compete for an SEC title. And they may even have a great September and start off 4–0 or 5–0. But it seems like every time Fall rolls around, the Aggies start to go cold and find themselves finishing the season 8–5. The November struggles are real in College Station, TX. The Aggies have gone a combined 2–7 against SEC foes over the past three Novembers. I guess even in Texas, it gets chilly in Autumn sometimes.

But to those Aggies fans out on the road today that see a Longhorns sticker on a Cadillac, I’m here to offer hope! I’ll be that “little voice inside [your] head [saying] ‘Don’t look back, you can never look back.’” This season is a brand new one, Aggies fans. Anything can happen. Look forward and don’t dwell on past November shortcomings. Because no matter what happens, we all know that your love for your school will still be strong “after the boys of summer have gone.” Gig ’em, baby.

“Cute Without the ‘E’ (Cut From the Team)”- Taking Back Sunday

Fan base: Tennessee Volunteers

I can’t prove it, but I’m almost certain that a group of Vols fans blasted this pop-punk anthem in the wake of previous Head Coach Lane Kiffin’s departure after one season to become USC’s Head Coach. But enough about that, let’s focus on the present state of Vols Football. The Tennessee Football program has made strides during Head Coach Butch Jones’ tenure, even if the overall results have not yet matched the fans’ expectations. Many feel that the Vols’ championship window has now closed, but at least one respected college football voice thinks this Tennessee Football squad still has a chance at glory. (Cue the Dumb & Dumber “So You’re Telling Me There’s A Chance” scene). Get excited Vols fans! Although…

If your beloved football team falters down the stretch and fails to win the SEC East once again, you’ll find yourself singing the same tune. Not Rocky Top. You’ll be singing the above song and chiding yourself with the reminder that “this all was only wishful thinking.” College Football will only break your heart if you let it. Be optimistic this season, but do so with caution. I don’t know why I’m trying to temper expectations for y’all though. Because as a whole, you’ve always been “such a sucker for a sweet talker, such a sucker.”

“The Kids Aren’t Alright”- The Offspring

Fan base: UCLA Bruins

I would feel a lot worse for all of you if you didn’t live in Los Angeles, Bruins fans. Here’s a sampling of some headlines coming into the 2017–2018 season:

With headlines like these, it shouldn’t be surprising that UCLA Football finished last season 4–8 despite beginning the season being ranked in the AP Top-25. It was the second straight season that the Bruins finished the season un-ranked after beginning the season with a top-twenty spot. To paraphrase the above song’s opening lines, the future was once so bright for your Bruins squad that had your campus feeling alive in Autumn. After last season, your high hopes that were built up with early success in Head Coach Jim Mora’s regime have worn and now the program seems cracked and torn. The skies grew dark in sunny Westwood last Fall (I mean this metaphorically; it’s always beautiful out there). If the Bruins go 4–8 again, the Bruins’ Athletic Department will likely push the reset button on the football program.

On an optimistic note, the Bruins will enter this season with lessened expectations, an ultra-talented quarterback (Josh Rosen), and a coach that has proven that he can win games. So stay positive, UCLA fans! Your Bruins can certainly change their tune and have you singing a much happier song this Fall. And even if your team sucks again, y’all still live in LA!

“Don’t Let Her Pull You Down”- New Found Glory

Fan base: Clemson Tigers

It’s time that I rain on your parade, Clemson fans. It’s very difficult to be a repeat National Champion. Every opponent on your schedule is circling the date that they play your school. Everybody wants a shot at the throne. The preseason coaches poll has you ranked fifth coming into this season. They ranked division rival Florida State third. Your Tigers are still the champs until another team takes that title away from your squad.

There are naysayers out there. Don’t let them pull you down, Tigers fans! Take the time to enjoy this victory lap and take pride in watching your Tigers defend the throne. You have one of the best coaching staffs in the country on your sideline and they’ll surely have the newcomers prepared to fill the roles that their predecessors have vacated. To quote the leader of another defending champion: “Never let the pressure exceed the pleasure.” That’s right, Clemson fans. Greet all the skepticism and question marks about your favorite team with a smile and a shrug. Enjoy calling yourselves the champs for now and, again, don’t let the rest of college football’s jealous fan bases pull you down.

“Flavor of the Weak”- American Hi-Fi

Fan base: LSU Tigers

LSU Football has perennially been one of the strongest college football programs in the country in this millennium. The Tigers have even been among the sport’s royalty at times as they have won two National Championships since 2000. However, nearly a decade has passed since the last one. For a fan base like yours that expects its team to be in contention each season, this is a long time without a championship. To any outsider that may ask why so much time has passed, you’ll be able to provide an answer: the offense.

The Tigers have had rosters loaded with NFL talent in recent years but it hasn’t brought championship glory to Baton Rouge since 2008. The defense has been stout and always has a bevy of playmakers. The offense has also had its share of playmakers, but has never achieved consistent success for an extended period of time. This is the main reason why a coach as successful as Les Miles is no longer at the helm of the LSU Football program. Miles won a national championship, two SEC championships, and finished with a sterling 114–34 record as LSU’s Head Football Coach. But all of this wasn’t enough to save his job after years of offensive stagnancy. So out went Les Miles and in steps Ed Orgeron (aka Coach O) as your LSU Head Football Coach.

There’s plenty of reasons for you to be optimistic, Tigers fans. Coach O will bring the intensity every day; the defense will be excellent; you guys will undoubtedly continue to make Tiger Stadium a nightmare for visiting teams. But I wish that I could make you all see that until your coaching staff commits to a fresh playbook and develops a revamped offensive attack…you’re just the flavor of the weak. You guys are the unappreciated girlfriend. You’re so devoted to your team and you know everything about them and you’re always supporting them. But unfortunately the program that you adore just gives you its dirty clothes and is too stoned (Nintendo) to appreciate you. You’re dressed to kill, Tigers fans. Let’s hope the new regime takes the time to notice this and shows you the love that you deserve. Because you’re so much more than the flavor of the weak.

Good question, LSU fan. (Photo credit: https://www.elevenwarriors.com )

Oh and if any Michigan fans read this and take umbrage that their team isn’t in here, I have one question:

Tell me why’d you have to go and make things so complicated, Wolverines fans?!

Chuck Salek

Written by

I like food, water, sports, movies, music, written words, creative content, and pictures of animals (not necessarily in that order); Personal Trainer; Hoosier

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