6. “Who is your role model?”

This is a question that I love. At least since eighth grade, my answer was Abraham Lincoln, and I always cherished an opportunity to talk about why I admired him.

Da man.

Over the last several years, I’ve seen that over half the respondents blindly say, “My father” or “My mother”. A few months ago, when a group of six (including me) were asked about who our role models were, the other five pointed to their parents, and I, the last person to answer, stuck to my guns and said, “Abraham Lincoln”. I found two things interesting about that moment:

  1. I was asked “Why Lincoln” while none of the others were asked, “Why your mom / dad?” I’d think that the onus should be on the parent-pointers to defend their choice, not on me. With malice towards none, it’s safe to say that Lincoln lived a more significant life than any of us or our parents did.
  2. After I gave an impassioned answer to “Why Lincoln”, some of my group members, without being prompted, talked about what made their parents worthwhile of being role models.

I find that this situation was emblematic of a few problems, even in privileged circles:

  • Many people don’t expose themselves to potential role models. Being blunt — people don’t read enough or pursue interesting enough experiences that expose them to people who could be potential role models.
  • Many people prioritize familiarity over substance. Take Roger Federer, for example. We know that he is an exceptional tennis player, but because we don’t know other aspects of Federer’s life well enough, we disqualify him from being our role model.

May I suggest an alternative?

Read more and imagine. Find out more about clearly exceptional people, and when you can’t find something specific, apply a kind interpretation. Federer’s on court prowess and public appearances point to his incredible emotional balance and enviable work ethic. And as for his personal life, why don’t we just assume he is a remarkable father, husband, etc.? Isn’t it better to aspire to an ideal than to constantly say, “I need more information”?

  • Many people make too many PR moves. Saying your parents are your role models is an easy-win, like saying you support the armed forces or that you think children are the future. Even if you believe these things, you don’t need to convert every question to, “I love my parents. I love ‘murca!”

In short, people don’t do intellectual service to this question.

I’ve decided to take a light-hearted (yet hard-hitting) way of tackling this. The next time someone says their parents are their role models, I will steer the conversation in this direction. (PP = Parent-pointer)

Me: “Who is your role model?”

PP: “My father.”

Me: “Nice. Mine is Abraham Lincoln.”

PP: “Oh, why him?”

Me: “Ended slavery; united the nation. Why your dad?”

Surely, that should push PP to be more imaginative the next time around.

Finding Satisfaction

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Chronicle of a life spent figuring out what life is about.

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