It’s a soul cleanse, baby
It began today with a simple question. One that friends and family ask from time to time.
Friend: Still writing?
There was a pause in the conversation while my heart sank.
How to respond? How to explain that every day of my life I fight against my inner voice, and that lately — for a few months at least — I have been winning? (This means, really and truly, that I’m losing. And I hate it.)
Folks, every day there’s a ray of hope when my inner voice stands proud and says, “You can do anything! Today, you will write!” And each day, I acknowledge that voice, and I manage to stomp on it; I kill it for 24 hours with a pitiful response like, “I’ll do it later.”
Hey, Me — that sucks, dude.
A little history. My last successful writing block was when — for the first half of November — I wrote. I wrote four pages a day. And then I took a break. Which turned into a longer break, which became “I’ll do it in February!” … which lasted about an hour.
On February 2, I realized I’d failed again to stoke my own fire enough. Or something.
Every day I suffer about it. I really do believe it’s my greatest struggle. My stories are (pointing to my brain) up there … it’s the getting-them-out process that kills me.
Sure, I could blame a thousand things — ADD, stress, laziness, hating my job, being tired — but nothing matters except Getting It Written, and I haven’t figured out how.
So … time to turn the screws. Going to turn up the heat. Light the fire under my own ass. Get things moving. Stir the pot. You get the picture.
I’m going to take away my favorite, sweet sweet distractions — Video games. TV shows. Movies.
I’m going to tell myself I MUST WRITE OR DIE each day.
I’ll start at a month. WHEN I succeed at a month — starting today, mind you — I will celebrate. But I will take what I’ve learned and move my life forward.
I need to create to be happy, and I’m stifling myself otherwise.
So … I’m off the electronic joy juice for 31 days, kids. I’m considering writing on this platform about my struggles and successes (more of the latter, please, Universe!). If blogging about this crap is a hinderance, I’ll toss it out the window, doing seventy-five on the freeway. We’ll see.
- I’m abstaining from PS4, TV, Movies
- I’m writing every day
- It’s a soul cleanse, baby
P.S. I benefit greatly from cheers from the peanut gallery. Please cheer me on! Tell me how proud you are, and show interest in what I’m trying to accomplish.