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Writer. Mother. Widow. Survivor. Looking for life’s perfect fit at SearchingForBigGirlPanties.com

POETRY

An opus to a bygone love

Image by Kate Cox from Pixabay

There is a chasm where the echoes of you resonate
Memories vibrate, resounding up through the depths
Humming, strumming my heart
Orchestrating haunting internal melodies
Sentimental serenades bereft of lyrics

Frequently, the songs are as tender as a lullaby
Tranquil, faint, soothing as a purr
Intimate whispers shadow my perceptions
A fleeting smile or tear offers a glimpse into the hymns

From time to time, the reverberations are flagrant, flamboyant
Visceral concertos of cacophony
The interludes intrude and occlude
Boisterous crescendos, their clamors are deafening
Outwardly silent, inwardly surging, I await their conclusion

Most often, the intrinsic music is my resident accompaniment
Instrumental ballads proclaiming, portraying a bygone life
An opus of a lover pining for an encore
The unfinished symphony plays on beyond the curtain call

More poetry by Lisa Gastaldo:


How I ended up being the mother I was always intended to be

Image by Марина Вельможко from Pixabay

There was never any doubt in my mind I would be a mother. As with most everything in my life, I had a plan: College, Career, Marriage, Children (four was the magic number — two of each). We’d grow old, retire, and wait for grandbabies.

Life would be as simple as blowing soap bubbles. With a little effort, each stage would inflate and delight with iridescent elegance. It would drift away when the time came and a new radiant bubble would wondrously take its place.

Somehow, in my youth, I failed to acknowledge that bubbles are bound to burst.

“Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.” — Dorothy Canfield Fisher

It…


Poetry

Do you see me?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I am a woman of many faces:
Mother, Daughter
Friend, Sister
Widow, Writer
Survivor

My roles define the façade you see
I conform to your reality
Never unveiling my complete identity

I parcel out my character
Offering tidbits to delight, entice
The designated consumer

Your view is obscured
Tainted, tinted, rendered incomplete
By your imagined image

Will you dare — Do you care
To shine a light on my persona

Shapeshifting like a kaleidoscope
A psychedelic palette freckled with crystal and coal
Charming and disturbing
My colors twist and turn

Once there was one who embraced my entirety
Who gazed…


Confessions of a guilty widow

Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

If I confess my deepest darkest regret, will you think less of me? Will the colorful image you had of my character fade to gray?

I guess I really can’t be concerned with such matters. The need to be authentic compels me to admit:

During the last months of my husband’s life, I was a wretched wife.

When your spouse is diagnosed with cancer, a halo is promptly bestowed upon your head. People behold the aura of an angel, a selfless guardian.

The moment your beloved dies, you are bequeathed sainthood. …


How I found laughter and love in my darkest of days

Image by Maximilian Weber from Pixabay

My friend was running a bit late, and my mother was agitated. “Where is Katie* (*named changed to protect the terrified) with that cold cut platter?”

It was the day before my husband’s funeral. We were expecting another influx of people stopping by to pay their respects and were running low on food. Katie had graciously offered to bring up the traditional wake tray of deli meats and cheese.

She was always on time, so I realized it could only be one thing. “Knowing Katie,” I said, “she is taking the time to make it look perfect.”

An interior decorator…


Just a few of the odd pandemic ailments causing our coronasomnia

Image by max leroy from Pixabay

I’ve dealt with perils of maskne, been troubled about the effects of skin hunger, and fretted over the infamous “quarantine fifteen.”

(OK — Who am I kidding? It’s more like 20 or 25. My muffin top is now a seven-layer cake.)

But nothing could prepare me for the headline accosting me during my early morning social media scroll:

Dead Butt Syndrome emerges during pandemic

Holy Heinies Batman!

My cheeks clenched in alarm, I had to investigate this menacing malady.

Dead Butt Syndrome (DBS), technically known as Gluteus Medius Tendinopathy (GMT), a.k.a. Dormant Buttocks Syndrome, a.k.a.


I never knew her name, but my heart is branded with her memory

Image by Silvia Tormo from Pixabay

There are moments in life that are seared in your memory.

Even though some of the finer details may fade with time, your heart is forever branded. This is the story of one of those encounters.

In early 2003, my husband, Matt, underwent a stem cell transplant to eradicate the mutant white blood cells coursing through his veins. AKA — leukemia.

For those who are blissfully unaware of the process, let me give provide you with a brief timeline:

  • What you don’t know will hurt you: The presentation of the 150+ page “quick-reference guide” describing the ins and outs of…


Is society prepared for the psychological aftermath of a global crisis?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The experts may dispute when it will happen, but there is a light at the end of our pandemic tunnel.

It could be the end of Summer, Thanksgiving, or even 2022. One thing history teaches us — we will see the other side of the crisis.

The question remains, however, how will we handle it? Will we experience post-traumatic euphoria or PTSD? Will we explode like confetti canons into socializing or double-down on our agoraphobia?

Our post-tunnel vision is yet to be seen, but there are some clues.

Rip-Roaring and Raring to Go

Considering the constant barrage of doom and gloom over the past year…


Picture created on Canva with Image by griffert from Pixabay

The life of a mother’s love

Lisa Gastaldo

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