The Call

Can you will a phone to ring? Because I desperately want mine to. I have been pacing around my room for hours just hoping and praying he calls. I didn’t think at this age I would still be doing the same thing I did as a teenager and young adult. Will relationships ever be easy? Will women always have to wonder about a man’s intention toward her? Will men ever just grow the hell up and tell a woman how they feel.

How long has it been since I last looked at my phone? Argggghh only two minutes have passed, why does it seem like a lifetime? Maybe I should try and do something else to take my mind off this obviously broken phone … wait, maybe something is wrong with my phone. Let me send myself a text and see.

Well, it’s still working. Dammit. Ok, what can I do to stop myself from watching this phone like a hawk? What’s on TV? Over 200 channels and nothing is on, maybe I should listen to some music or surf the net. Naw, those won’t work, I have to use my phone and I don’t want to risk my phone being busy if he calls or text. Will my phone ring busy for a text, do cell phones ring busy? Is that just for house phones? Do people still have house phones? What the hell am I thinking about? I have seriously gone off the deep end.

Let me grab a book to read, that way if he calls or text I can pretend like I’m so engrossed in this book and not the least bit thinking about him. What am I doing? Oh nothing just reading this amazing book about this detective whose sister was murdered and she can’t find the killer so she quits her job to pursue this guy fulltime. Very riveting book. I wasn’t hoping you called at all, just busy reading. Sooooo, whatcha been doing since you haven’t called me in like five hours? That kind of sounds crazy but it could work.

I wonder if he is sitting around hoping that I will call. Like what if he thinks that I don’t like him because I don’t call so he decides not to call in the hopes that I will miss him and call? Could that be it? Should I call him? It’s the 20th century, or is it the 21st, wait, what century is it? Let me look it up, ahhhh its’ the 21st century, whew, how did I not know that? Anyway, what was I talking about, oh yeah, do women call men in the 21st century? Am I supposed to act all coy and wait for him? I’m a millennial woman, strong, independent, determined, self-sufficient, I should be able to call I man if I want to. This is the year of the woman.

But what if I call and he doesn’t answer? That would be bad, I would have to leave a message and I am the worst at leaving messages.

Haaayyy It’s me I was just calling because I was looking at this show and a funny commercial came on and I was wondering if you were looking at the same commercial.

Nope, that sounds crazy.

What about, what’s up buttercup, I was just thinking about you, were you thinking of me?

Naw, too forward.

Hey boo.

Nope.

What up man?

God no.

Hmmmm maybe I shouldn’t call. How long has it been? 10 minutes. Yes, I haven’t looked at my phone in 10 whole minutes. You rock! Way to be strong girl!

Maybe I should make me a drink, what’s that saying, a watched phone never rings or a watched pot never bubbles? Where in the hell do these saying come from? So ridiculous. I could come up with ... Is that my phone? Oh my God he is calling, he is calling!!!!! Calm down girl. Answer the damn phone.

(Sigh) Hi.