Beneath the willow tree

Silence
Pure silence
In my cave of nature
I hear the train passing by in the distance
Without a single reason to stop 
All I see are man made lights
Corrupting the land as always
But it helps me 
It helps me to see where I am 
It helps me to see who comes through the gate 
Every night as I wait 
Sitting on the same bench
Writing the same old thing in different ways
And as I wait for you 
For you to see me here
Alone with the marionette 
Turning my head sideways to the gate
Almost every second of every minute 
To see who comes through the gate
To see if I can catch you walk towards me 
And as I hear every little scratch made by every insect
I turn my head to see if you’re there
Headlights caught in my periphery
Triggers my marionette
But I know it’s too late
It’s been 10 years since we’ve met 
And a month left to forget
Each other
Forget the hurt you’ve caused
Forget your divided love
And I cannot complain
It makes sense for us to be apart
We were torn by our past lives
And memories of hate


And I ask you what is wrong 
And you say nothing
And you ask me what is wrong
And I say nothing 
And we pretend
We pretend to be friends
We pretend to be lovers
We pretend to be each other’s future
But there is no future
I know there is no future
You know there is no future
Everybody knows, there is no future
And we keep pretending 
I cry a little 
Just a little, not like the other ones
I cry not because of your hurt
I cry not because of our tainted story
I cry not because of us never being us 
You never cried about me
You never once cried about me 
And that is why the tears roll through my eyes 
I cry to the idea of us 
Being only in my mind
But not in yours


I watch the younglings walk through my park
Sometimes holding hands, sometimes the guy is too shy
But they are together and we are not 
I am sitting on a bench next to no one 
And I keep promising myself that this is the last one
The last rites about you and me 
Coming to my cave every single night
To write my last rites
And then the next night,
And then the next one
I feel anger towards myself 
An anger that will never pass
Until I leave this godforsaken place
Because only then
There would be no cave 
There would be no man made lights
There would be no marionettes
Because only then
I will stop turning my head
To look at your ghost by the gate 
And I will smile to myself
And I know I will
Yes I know I will
These days will pass
And I will walk on home
With my words being only a minuscule amount of space 
Somewhere deep where no one can find
Long forgotten and left to die
And I will stop turning my head 
And as if nothing was real 
All this will be dead 
And everything about you will be dead
But until that day
I will wait
Right here,
Beneath the willow tree

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