Ryan, I am so sorry that you feel so caged, not only by the HIV but also the medical system.
Soma Stout, 100MLives

I Am Under The Cort by Ryan

Thank you. You are very nice. It is hard to write because I do not understand it all. I had to go to cort because I was raped. Then I changed my mind when I saw him in cort. I said he did not rape me because I was so sad. It was a lie because he did rape me but it is not his fault. I love him. I know it is bad to love him. I love him. I cannot help it. So the judge got mad as shit. The cort and the clinic have a contrack. The clinic writes a report to the judge. The judge wants to know my behavior. I can only go to the clinic because my life does not belong to me. I want my own life. I do not want people telling me all the time what to do. I am like tied up and cannot have my own custody because the judge gave it to Tim. Tim is good to me. We have fun. But I want to be in charge of my own life. I am tied up by people who think they own me. Like the clinic thinks it owns me. Like I have to do what they say because I am a little kid. Tim tells me to learn to wait but I do not want to learn to wait. I want my custody now.

It is like they tie you and rape you and it is a cort raping you. They had to let him go. I know where he is. I am tired of the clinic telling me to take these pills. I stopped taking the pills because I am really mad at them telling me what to do. My life is mine. I do not have to do what a judge says. I do not want to go to any clinic ever again. I am tired of people owning me and telling me what to do. I do not want a doctor because they tell you what to do. I do not want no clinic. I do not want no judge. I do not want Tim telling me what to do. I want to do what I want to do. It is my body.

I do not want these pills because I want it all to go away. If I stop taking the pills I will die. Then the clinic and the judge can kiss my ass. I do not want to be alive so nobody can tell me what to think. To not be here is my own thinking. It is not my choice to take pills for as long as I live. These drugs make me sick. I flush them. My behavior is not for some old man judge to read about in a report. I am a person. I am not a report. I want my own life back. I do not care if he raped me. It was my own fault. I wanted him to see me naked but not the rape part. I am a cock tease. Now everyone at the clinic wants to see me naked. It makes me sick. They are all pervs. I want it all to end. I do not want to go back to cort about rape. The clinic wants to put things in me to see but I am private and I will bite them if they do that again. I just want my own life. I do not want pills. When you die you get skinny and then you are dead. That is what I want so no judge can tell me what to do.

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