“What’s Wrong With You”? A troll provides an answer.

It happens constantly. A woman, any woman, expresses an opinion about something on social media. And the abuse begins. Someone, clearly a man but hiding behind a cartoon avatar, responds.

They usually have a Twitter bio along the lines of “Against feminism, for reason.” They quote Voltaire or Nietzsche. Badly. They aggressively send their unwanted views to women who express their views, and they do it over and over again. I, personally, am sick of seeing it.

So, I asked the question that we all ask in our heads. It wasn’t the first time I’d asked this question of a Twitter troll. The response is usually along the lines of “Don’t try to censor my free speech,” or “It’s just words, words can’t hurt,” or somesuch. Usually, the conversation ends with a block. And usually, the troll concerned levels fresh insults at me, or their original target, before scurrying back to get a new pack of Doritos and check that their neckbeard is still growing.

But this evening, I got an answer. Not directly, but the conversation gave me the answer I was looking for.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” was the question. And the answer was: quite a lot, although they themselves can’t see it. I say “they” because even though this one troll is a single person, there’s millions more, and I suspect the motivations are the same. The answer is actually a predictable one: they like to fight.

This particular troll, when I asked the question, immediately started hurling what he probably thought were really clever barbs. He invoked the name of another feminist tweeter he’d been arguing with earlier. He repeatedly used words like “nerd” and “emotional”, as if being either of those things is derogatory in any way. He accused me of “acting like a feminist” to get laid. That’s actually the second time that happened to me today. Sorry to break it to you, but actually being a feminist (if I can be called such a thing; many women object to men using that label for themselves) has not once gotten me laid. My inability to get laid has nothing whatsoever to do with my social views. But I digress, and I’d like to say hi to my therapist if she’s reading. We’ll discuss this on Wednesday.

But my point is, this person was determined, absolutely, resolutely determined, to convince me that he had the upper hand in the conversation. There were thinly-veiled threats. There was the obligatory “I know you are but what I am I” response. There were taunts. And then, the troll lowered the boom. “I’m trying to show you how I fight,” he declared. “I’ve already destroyed her and I’m showing you how I can destroy you too.”

It was then that everything clicked into place for me. What was wrong with him? He was nothing more than a textbook case of a bully. He needed to fight. He needed to have people call him names so he could insult them back. What’s more, he didn’t deny it. He just didn’t connect it to his behaviour. He genuinely thought that what he was doing mattered.

Once it became clear to me that this person’s (and it’s very important to remember, however much it may be difficult to imagine, that these people are people, albeit deranged ones), motivation was that he needed to be feared, everything he did made much more sense. Everything about his words and the way he used them gave one single impression: you should be afraid of me. He implied that his words had caused someone to commit suicide, and seemed to be proud of this. I don’t actually believe it to be true. But what was telling was that immediately afterwards he went back to “words don’t matter”. If they don’t matter, I wondered, why are you claiming them as your weapons in your quest to be feared on Twitter, but anyway. But it made sense now; he was trolling people because, in the recesses of his dark mind in its dark basement somewhere, he actually believed that he was feared and powerful.

People who believe themselves to be feared and powerful aren’t always deluded. Mob bosses are both, and they know it. But someone with a cartoon avatar who attacks women on Twitter isn’t a mob boss. And I think they know that too. But, the thought occurred to me, that’s literally the only thing they have.

It’s easy to imagine and make jokes about this troll being a basement-dwelling shutin with Dorito breath and a fedora. Of course, he could just as easily be a well-dressed, well-spoken man with a suit who works in an office somewhere. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t actually matter. What matters is the why of it all. Why troll women on social media? And that’s why. Because they need to feel feared and powerful. The one thing that threatens their self-image as a powerful Lord of the Internet whose words can cause you to break into tears is when someone doesn’t do exactly that. We were laughing at him. He couldn’t understand. The idea that we wouldn’t fear him, and that we would do anything but react with the terror and tears that he wanted, simply didn’t or couldn’t enter his head.

So I got my answer. What’s wrong with them? Nothing, in a mental illness sense. They would probably pass the test to be given a firearm in most U.S. states. They aren’t insane. They’re powerless. And to a great many men, especially white men, to take away their power is the worst thing you can do. They have to get it somewhere, because without it they have to accept the reality of their own pitiable lives. So they choose to attack as many people as they can, and they revel in it. Because, in their own minds, it makes them as powerful as they want to be but never can be.

Before this piece ends, women might be reading it going “Well duh.” And of course if you deal with these people all the time, what I’ve said might be blindingly obvious. But to me, it was a revelation. I knew they were dickheads, of course, but understanding that their delusions of their own power and their desire to hurt others to justify their self-belief was, for me, an important lesson. Now that I understand that, through experience, I’m better equipped to deal with it in other aspects of life. Because for power-seekers, these people who need to feel like they control the world, it’s not just going to manifest itself as internet trolling. They can be the workplace psychopath, the shitty boss, the surly clerk, or even a friend who acts like a dick all the time.

A lack of power is the white man’s worst nightmare. It took me asking the question I’d always wondered about to get to grips with the idea that power, any kind of power, was what led to the abuse I see every day.

I just wish we could do more about it.