Day 30/35: Fragile Friday

Started my day in a rush, running late, and forgetful. Sorry Warby Parker, I’ll send the glasses back tomorrow.

Listened to a story on Forum about the student walk-out at Berkeley High yesterday, protesting a racist message posted on school computers on Wednesday. Wait, what? In Berkeley? Yes, 15 year old white supremacists are even living and practicing hate in Berkeley.

Got back on track with a literal ass-kicking workout at PT. Felt strong and happy. Ate leftover Halloween candy for breakfast/treat.

Had a nice lunch with my boss. Chatted about my job hunt. Made some plans for critical follow-ups. Took the leftover pizza. Over heard snippets of several conversations about tech/healthcare/optimization/my friend works at Dropbox/it’s like the Uber of. Gawked at the 70-foot “I” beams straddling Howard Street. Wondered if the construction workers think the tech workers are assholes. Wondered if the tech workers think the construction workers are simpletons. Gave the leftover pizza to a homeless man with no shoes eating Cheez-Its. Felt sad. Hoped he ate the pizza. Tried to let it go.

Stopped at the doctor to get a booster shot for chicken pox and Hepatitis <some letter> vaccines. Vaccines are effective. Get some.

Had my car delivered back to me by a valet service summoned by my phone. I am part of the problem.

Got in the car and headed to the Bay Bridge. Sirens and fire trucks and CHPs and an ambulance squeezed past all of us on a near 90 degree on ramp funneling down to a single lane. People were assholes not letting people merge in.

Got to the accident. A car carrier with stacks of totaled cars had crushed a motorcycle. I did not see a body. The motorcycle and crushed cars were enough. My chest tightened. People continued to be assholes in their cars, squeezing into lanes, cutting each other off. The CHPs and the firemen and EMTs thank God for them. How do they rush to danger every time and we take for granted they will be there to help us? What if one day soon they don’t?

Someone likely died. No one cared. They are more important. Too bad sucker. I have to get home to my family. It’s Friday god damn it. This accident is making me late for my life.

As the lanes open back up, people hit the gas as if it was the Indy 500. My chest tightened more. I remembered I was on a bridge. I don’t like to remember I am on a bridge. I could feel tears. All of the sudden, straw from some exploded hay bail was in my lane in front of me. I could not move around it. I drove through it and hoped for the best. The person behind swerved around me. I am still on this goddamned bridge. I need to get off this bridge. I have to get to my place where my people are. Why is the bridge so long?

I got to my destination. I spoke to my boyfriend. I think I worried him when I told him I needed to get off the phone and calm self down. He let me. He told me he loved me. I got inside to my friends. They brought me water and understanding. I said I needed to write this. They let me.

It’s Friday. Be gentle with each other. Be better drivers. Don’t assume you are more important than anyone else.

And for fuck’s sake, alternate cars when lanes merge.

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