Photo: Markus Spiske via Unsplash

I gotta work, but…

I gotta work. But, hey, BuzzFeed just posted a new article about Justin Bieber. Oh so he’s no longer an asshole now? Hmm, good for him. Just a matter of time.

Now where was I? Oh, right, work. Must fire up Microsoft Word. Jeez, this computer runs like snail. Better check Instagram on my phone.

Scroll, scroll, scroll. Good photo. Like. Meh. Like. Ew, mediocre. Whoa, now that’s a great latte art! Like! Wait, who’s this? Oh, the new girlfriend. Let me see the profile. Scroll, scroll, scroll. She’s not bad. Back to the main feed. Close the app.

Now where was I? Oh, right, work. Ready to type! Ugh, writer’s block. Maybe I should seek for inspiration on Twitter, you know, I follow only smart and important people, as well as international publications covering a whole lot of important subjects. BuzzFeed, Mashable, Co.Create, NY Mag, The New York Times, to name a few. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Productivity tips. Life hacks. How-tos…

God, it’s overwhelming, so many articles. I still have work to do. Ugh. Back to Microsoft Word. Type something. Yeah, I got this. Whooo, I write like crazy. Ideas spark in my head like firecrackers.

But, wait, what’s that sound? Oh, it’s a new notification. I cannot skip this, it could be… Yes! Someone likes my status on Facebook. I should check how much thumbs I got today. Load the app. Ugh, what’s going on with the Wi-Fi? I really have to work but I have to see the status of my status. Come on now… Yes, thirty five likes! Not bad, man, not bad.

Okay, where was I? Oh, right, work. Proceed. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. Hey, whatever happened to that high school friend of mine? The last time we bumped into each other she said she’s getting married in September. It is September! Better check her Facebook and see what she’s up to. (and where is the invitation?)

The WiFi is bad, maybe I should do it on desktop. Open new tab. Type Facebook.com. Type her name. Here she is… Hey! The reception was yesterday! And I was not invited? Who does she think she is? Screw you, bitch, I’m gonna unfriend you and I wont congratulate you, you piece of shit.

Where was I? Oh, right, work. Shit. This anger is draining me and I need something to crack me up. What about cat videos on YouTube? Good idea. Type “best cat videos 2015.” Oh my god, it’s so cute and hillarous. LOL. I love cats! LOL. LOL. LOL. LOL.

Phew, where was I? Oh, work. Right. Ugh. I’m exhausted. I need a break. How about doing it tomorrow when I have all the energy in the world? Sounds good. Now, it’s time for Candy Crush!