Come A Cropper?

Those people long to scream their heart out at night, they say. And I almost believe it will aid them to set their heart free but then I’m the one who shed tears seeing how they scream their heart out.

From all time I know, night is the most petrifying time for most people to stay awake. For those people, it’s always more nerve-racking as they don’t have any power to blame someone else, as they don’t have energy to be mad man shouting how nasty and cruel life can be, as they don’t want any pain to feel anymore, as in the end they are forced to swallow the painful truth that it’s pain other people hardly see.

Then at night, in their own little hopeless place, they scream as loud as you can imagine, within themselves, inside their minds, between them assumptions, facing their own demons begging them to break themselves once more for infinite times.

Hence, on the day like this, I wish you can openly share how hard it feels for you. On the day like this, I wish you can share how painful it is for you. On the day like this, I wish you can share how actually your heart beat.

Tell me how hard it is for you. Tell me you’re not okay. Tell me you need a hug. Tell me… you’re just pretending. Because I know, you get tired. Because as the time goes by, I know you haven’t fully forgotten. Because I know, you can’t guarantee yourself, you will stand still. As you run out of breath now, hiding between people. Between people’s assumption about you. More than hiding, now you might get trapped. Some of the times you might carry yourself along with anybody else, just because you need a cover up. Because you thought it would be easier to cry facing someone’s back. But it’s not. Because you’ve been staying there for long time. You don’t have any energy left. One more quiver, you surely fall.

I tell you sweetheart, if you are sick, tell me you are sick, tell me where part of your body is in pain, tell me how you get that wound, tell me how you feel over the pain you have, tell me how tired you are because ofthe pain. If you are devastated now, even over the smallest thing you might think I would assume, please tell me.

Some people are devastated more than you are I know, some people cry harder than you do I know, some people get tired too I know, some people’s life are worse than your life I know. But they will never be the valid reasons for you to blame everything to your tiny body to yourself, somebody loves your flaws more than you love your beauty. They are real, they are there. You need not to force yourself to believe that your pain are not worth attention from anybody. You are loved, you are precious — just like the ring in lord of the rings for Gollum. I’m indeed bad at making jokes.

Tonight, instead of reaching out somewhere else where you never acknowledge what that dark place is, reach your home. Reach your home, your beloved ones. It is fine to feel broke, and it is fine to have mistakes, you are fine. Come home, reach out someone. They will hug.

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