How do people prove they matter?

The preschool all my children have attended does a great job of making each child feel special each day. These kids get the consistent message: you matter!

Every day there is a “calendar person” who has very special jobs like ringing the bell after free choice time. Kids must sit on a letter, but there are enough letters for each child to have their own. Each day, 4 children get to do bring something in for sharing. That means they get the floor, beaming as everyone shows interest in them. Each day there is a snack person, “Thank you Olivia!,” the whole class shouts after they’re done eating. On your birthday, you get to wear a crown, the class sings to you, and you blow out the candles on a fake cake. No one is left out: summer birthdays are celebrated before the school-year is up. You get to make unique artwork each day, your name is written on it, and then it is carefully put on the drying rack before going into your “art bucket.” The art bucket has your picture and name on it.

As pre-schoolers grow up into adults they get less and less of this kind of thing. It is assumed you know that you matter. It is thought that your childish days of needing constant validation are over. Blend in, do your job, be a grown-up.

But as you know, we adults are still unsettled about a lot of those questions about our specialness. We are still trying to prove that we are worthwhile. We are still agitated about our peers who have better toys or get more attention. Many of us, as adults, are still wrapped up in schemes of proving ourselves. I catch myself wrapped up in these habits way too much of the time.

How about you? Are you still trying to prove yourself? Is it working?