I’m in a Long Term Relationship with my Spending Spreadsheets
Happy two year anniversary to us! Me and my spending spreadsheets, that is.
For two years, I’ve been diligently keeping track of all of my spending. But it was NOT always this way. In fact, before I started tracking my spending, I actively UN-tracked it. Seriously — I paid my credit card bill continuously because I knew if I waited to pay it until the last day of the month, I’d have to be confronted with my total monthly spending. That scared me.
I often vaguely felt like I was spending too much money or like I should be thinking more about my savings plan, which basically consisted of me saying ‘whatever happens, happens!’ If I saved money in any given month, I wouldn’t even really know I had saved it. I honestly had no idea what was going on in my bank account. As long as my balance never hovered close to zero and I could pay my rent, I didn’t really give a shit (or so I pretended, but I was actually sort of stressed about it all of the time).
And why was that? It wasn’t because I wasn’t capable of giving a shit or figuring any of this out. It was both my fault and also not my fault. Along with some real privilege, I also had some real psychological barriers that I’d learned socialized as a woman: money is not for me, money is not important, being a good person is the ultimate goal, good people don’t care about money, good people don’t think a lot about money, kind people aren’t money motivated, money is confusing, I don’t understand how money works and I don’t know where to start to learn, people who understand money are mostly men, people who understand money have advanced degrees, I’m not an expert, etc., etc., etc.
But these limiting mindsets are just that: limiting. I was choosing to live into them and, by not confronting them, they controlled me. I was telling myself that I couldn’t understand something that today I am so confident I can understand. And it’s not because I’m an expert now and it’s definitely not because I studied economics or finance or got an advanced degree in the past two years. It’s because I’m deciding to pay attention and ask questions. I’m deciding to give a shit. If you’re a woman who graduated elementary school and knows super basic math and is willing to interrogate the idea that money is not for you, you can understand this too.
Maybe you truly feel like you don’t and never want to know anything about your cash flow (what comes in, what goes out). Maybe your long-term financial plan is to keep doing your thing, make a ton of money, and spend it as you like. If that’s you, it’s all good, and I’m really not here to pass judgment. But I would push you to question what keeps you from seeing the full picture or from trying to understand your money on a deeper level. For me, and I think for many of us, the “un-tracking” strategy doesn’t totally work because it really strips us of control. I don’t know about you, but I’d really like to be in control of my money. And when I look back, during the time when I wasn’t tracking my spending, I actually spent so much more time and energy worrying than I do now that I know what’s going on. Starting down your spending in the eye feels and seems scary, but once you do it and make it a habit, the scariness totally loses it’s power.
Wherever you’re at in your financial journey (and again, please read my privilege statement here, as I recognize you might be in a totally different place than me), I’m going to go out on a limb and say that understanding your spending is a) pretty fucking important and b) pretty fucking freeing (excuse my language, but I’m not kidding about this). If you want to be more “in control” of your money, this is the place to start.
Over the past six months, I’ve had the pleasure of working closely with Khe Hy, named the “Oprah for Millenials” by CNN and “Wall Street Guru” by Bloomberg. Khe founded “RadReads,” a blog, newsletter and community focused on “getting unstuck, facing fears and insecurities, and crafting a life and career with intention.” Before he created RadReads, Khe was one of the youngest Managing Directors at BlackRock. I know most of you reading aren’t well versed in investment banking (it’s all good, I’m not either) and Khe is far too humble to brag about this, but know that it’s a very big deal in that world. A few weeks ago, he published a post called “How a spending staredown can set you free”. It gave me some incredibly helpful language to describe my bi-weekly routine of staring down my spending.
Khe is a successful solopreneur and former Investment Professional. And what is he encouraging us to do in this post? He’s not saying, “you need to go get your MBA if you want to understand your finances.” He’s literally telling us to start with a staredown.
If you’re not sure what a staredown is, check out last week’s post, where I did a spending staredown with an ivy league business school student and former financial services worker, proving that ALL of us need support with this stuff, experienced finance people and newbies alike.
If you couldn’t tell, I’m really passionate about helping women understand their money, and that starts with understanding their spending. I know this work can feel very personal and intimate; I want to recognize and name that and simultaneously let you know that I approach this with no judgment, full confidentiality, and lots of love and care for you and your unique financial situation. Let’s do a spending staredown together.
