Wow, it’s with tears in my eyes that I write this comment. I miscarried two years after having a healthy pregnancy and giving birth. But that description doesn’t even come close to what happened.
The first pregnancy I was told I couldn’t have kids without fertility help. So what happened? We got pregnant. I think accepting the idea of not becoming a mom released my tension and why use birth control if you can’t get pregnant without help. (NOTE: I was also told I’d have gestational diabetes and other horrible things because I was 40 pounds over weight but none of that happened. I threw up everyday I was pregnant and only gained 17 lbs.)
I wanted a sibling for my daughter so bad but I was 40 and in perimenopause. To get pregnant I took some special pill and we had sex and I did a hand stand for as long as I could hold it. Two months later we saw the heartbeat with our three year old in the room and it was such a happy day.
I knew things weren’t right when I went to the dentist I wasn’t barffy. I was right. For two weeks the dead baby stayed inside me as I freaked out more and more. Why isn’t it getting out on it’s own? And why did I have to wait for that to happen? Think about it; dead tissue inside your womb. Right, gross and sad. Finally the doctor approved me to have a D & C.
“So you’re hear for your abortion?” was the greeting. I was devastated. I wasn’t getting an abortion, that’s for living babies. How thoughtless, stupid, ignorant and unkind to use that word. I said “No, I’m hear to get my dead baby out.” You can imagine her expression. I think she got the message.
My husband (now my ex thankfully) was of no comfort, my parents and my siblings said nothing, my friends said they were sorry. But really no one understood the mental damage and anguish I was experiencing. I was so sad and angry but no one else seemed to think it was a big deal. I was being dramatic. Screw them. They were cold-hearted unconscious morons.
So I started sharing my story with women I randomly met at the park with my daughter and that’s when things changed. So many women have similar stories and many were much more traumatic then mine. One woman lost two babies at seven months. That’s right! Twice she had a baby almost to term and the baby died inside her and she had to give birth to them cause you can’t do a D & C on a basically full term baby. I hugged her so tight.
I was no longer sad. I met women who could relate to me and acknowledge and validate my pain and I could do that for them.
I’m thankful I have a daughter but she’s a teenager now and that’s scary. She is growing up in a world where “rape culture” exists. Where terrorists are shooting and bombing at random times in random places. Where women still earn way less then men. Where only those who have gone through it understand the devastation of what it means to loose an unborn child.
I’m a Certified Professional Coach now. Our mission as Life Coaches is to raise the consciousness of the world one person at a time. Stories like Lisa Sharkey’s is doing that as well. Thank you for that Lisa.