I’ve been working on a plan this year to implement one positive change in my life each month. As month five draws to a close, I find myself asking myself a number of questions such as -

• When do things get easier and when will I start to experience the benefits of these changes?
• Have I already started to experience the positive effects and benefits of the changes and if I have, am I actually recognizing them?

As much as I wish there were crisp, clean, and definitive answers to these questions, I’m pretty sure there are not. I’m guessing it’s more of a learning process and maybe a long learning process. I’m also guessing that the process is a much longer one that I’d like it to be!

So then this raises the questions of determination —

• How long do I stick with these changes?
• How can I tell if I should stick with the changes at all?
• How can I tell if the changes might need to be adjusted along the way, rather than just continue to barrel forward with the original plan?

Sticking to a plan and seeing it through has really never been difficult for me. My difficulty comes from letting myself recognize when it might be time to change the plan and be flexible enough to begin to implement those changes.

In a way, I think I’m at that intersection now. At times I wonder if I’m in that middle ground between the way things have been and the way that they’re going to be. When I become frustrated or impatient, this is what I tell myself, in order to help stay the course and keep pushing forward, as that’s where I expect to find the benefits. What I need to remind myself is that forward is a long expanse and not just a laser-focused point on the horizon.

In the past I would have zeroed-in to that point on the horizon and charged toward it, oblivious to any other indications or signposts that may have existed along the way to guide me. I still fight this tendency and find that at least being aware of it reminds me to keep my eyes up, open, and wide, to also be aware of these indications or signposts, and allow them to guide me on the path forward toward the horizon.

While I was hoping to write this post in a nice, neat, tried-and-true format with an intro, body, conclusion, and a few key lessons learned, neatly wrapped up and tied with a bow, I see that’s not going to happen right now. One thing I’ve learned by writing this post is that I have more questions than answers at the moment, which is very different from how I’ve trained myself to live. I’m still getting used to being in this space that I keep referring to as the middle ground, as well easing off the control throttle to let the middle ground be a little messier than I’m otherwise comfortable allowing. So for now I’m going to just roll with it and allow myself to be in the middle and a little bit messier than usual.