Why I started climbing
Sports, body image, competition. I grew up not interested in sports. Not particularly anyway. I mostly sucked at physical education and was the smallest and weakest one in my scout group. They had to wait for me and carry some of my stuff on hikes.
I touch the rock, the rock touches me. I wrestle the rock, I wrestle gravity. I gamble with balance and friction. Nobody’s judging, nobody’s telling me how to do it. No referees, minimal equipment, no need for competition.
As a teenager I would go out bouldering on my own or with a friend or siblings. I didn’t know much about what I was doing and luckily I never hurt myself. Some of my friends and my brother were climbing in a more institutional manner, but somehow I didn’t feel like I could include myself in that setting. I never stepped on a indoor climbing wall before last fall. The thought was: if I don’t try to include myself, I can’t be excluded. So I excluded myself to prevent exclusion by others.
Some 15 years and a few more exclusion experiences later, including a botched roller derby career including a silver medal in Finnish nationals (more on that in a later post I hope) my relationship with sports has experienced several twists from complete ignorance to complete devotion.
After quitting derby I didn’t do sports for a while. Only walks with my dog. I heard about a cheap bouldering gym from a friend and we decided to join. I bought used climbing shoes. We didn’t join. A year later another friend asked me if I was still interested in climbing. We went to a different gym. And we went again. And we joined the cheaper more private gym.
I’m a complete noob. I’ve gone like ten times so far and haven’t climbed outdoors since my teens. First I thought this would be something to do once in a while to keep me in a healthy shape. But the more I go the more excited I get. Only this week I read up on climbing techniques. It took me one afternoon to get the basics and the next time I went on the wall my skills were already on another level. I felt joy completing problems that were previously unthinkable for me. I realised it’s not about strength, it’s about balance and body placement. It’s about understanding the wall or the rock and your body on it. The best part is, you don’t have to compare your climbing to anyone else’s.
Except you do. Unless you decide not to. But having grown up in a capitalist society, it’s very hard not to. But I guess that’s another wrestle. Another boulder problem to solve. How to give up competition in order to enjoy the climb?
Also I notice my body image shifts according to my level of sports interest, and it somewhat worries me. When I played roller derby I trained 5 times, 8–12 hours a week. I wanted to be fast and strong and have mass to break through flesh walls. I enjoyed feeling strong and having muscles. When I quit, I really quit. No work outs, lots of sips and lakritsi ice cream, tons of books and internet. I endorsed it and it was great, I enjoyed my body getting softer and mushier. Now with climbing, I catch myself thinking: “I wanna get ripped!”. Like, no? I don’t have to have the optimal body for climbing? I can just do it because it’s good for me and I enjoy it. Tell that to my subconscious please.
My resolution to this shifting body image is: I work out and climb when I want to, and to keep things in check, I eat ice cream and doughnuts for recovery.
