Try Anyway: My Speech to Wellesley Student Leaders

Claire Ayoub
Aug 27, 2017 · 6 min read

I had the privilege of speaking to Wellesley College student leaders as they wrapped up their leadership training for the 2017–18 school year.


Houghton Chapel — August 25, 2017

Well hello, Wellesley! My name is Claire Ayoub. I’m an alumna from the class of 2011 and it’s not hyperbole when I say that being a student leader here at Wellesley changed the course of my life.

Now, if there’s anything my time at Wellesley taught me, it’s this: I am really good at calming people down. I don’t know about you, but my first experience of campus-wide stress here freaked me out. I mean I had always been hard on myself. I was an anxious kid. But this? This was another level. As that first round of midterms ramped up, I remember looking around and thinking, “Why is everyone freaking out?” Which immediately led to, “Should I be freaking out?” And for the rest of my first year here, I proceeded to do just that.

During my sophomore year, I came to a realization: this much stress and anxiety was not healthy for me. And if it was not healthy for me, it wasn’t healthy for other students around me.

So I gave myself a challenge: I was going to carve out space to make some kind of a stress-free zone. Once a week, for one hour, there was going to be a place on campus where you could leave your homework and deadlines at the door and just chill out. Now when it came to just how to do that, I turned to what I know: tea.

A bit of backstory: My mom is a nurse midwife. She takes care of people at their most vulnerable for a living. She also happens to be hilarious and calming in times of crisis. And her solution to most non-medical things is to have a cup of tea. Bad day at school? Have a cup of tea. Got in a fight with a friend? Have a cup of tea. Whether I was anxious about homework, school plays, deadlines, whatever, before I even got through the first third of the story, she had already put the kettle on. And no matter how bad my day was, sitting there with a hot cup of Twinings English Breakfast tea and talking it out made me feel better.

And that was a practice I brought to Wellesley. My friends knew that if they were having a bad day, they could always knock on my door on the 2nd floor of Beebe and there would be a cup of tea and a dollar store coloring book with their name on it. And also old episodes of Mister Rogers on YouTube. Which, if you’re having a bad day or a tough time, oh man, highly recommend it.

So, when it came to creating this stress-free zone, I decided to go with what I know. Tea. Coloring. And honest, judgement-free conversation. And so my tea and coloring club, In Too Steep, was born. Every week in the Beebe common room, I hosted a themed tea and coloring party. And it was the highlight of my week. I would make these bonkers little ads to promote each event. I would go to the library and print out coloring pages I found on the Crayola website. I put all this time into preparing for this one hour a week, and it was always worth it. Because that was the first time I had the opportunity to just hang out with students, especially first years, and tell them it was going to be okay. That they were smart and funny, kind and capable. It was a safe space where I would hear about their goals and plans, and then follow up the next time they came by to see how it was going.

Now, In Too Steep grew into a catering company, a feel-good comedy podcast, and is now the production company I’m building for my female empowerment projects these days. But it was during that first year and those hours spent with students that I truly found my purpose. And that was to lift others up. To help them see their potential. To go after the things they wanted, even if they were scared. My purpose was to lead. And today, whether I’m writing a self-confidence series for teen girls or just encouraging people to speak up in meetings at work, that purpose to lead and help others unlock their potential fuels my every move.

Looking out over all the faces in here today, I can’t help but feel proud to know you, even from a distance. Because every single one of you chose to lead and mentor your fellow students this year. And being a leader isn’t just a title, it’s a choice.

You could spend your extra time hanging with friends, or writing papers, or finding a new Netflix series to binge instead of writing those papers. But you chose to be here. You chose to work with your fellow students, to listen to them, to encourage them. And that is awesome.

So today, I want to give you a challenge for this year. Whether you’re an FYM, an RA, a house president, encourage your students to try anyway. What does that mean?

Say one of your first-years has an idea to run a fundraiser on campus. It’s for a cause she really cares about. You’ve seen her face light up when she talks about it. But on a dime, her insecurity ramps up. She’s never run a fundraiser before. Anyway, she’s only 18 so what does she really know? She’s sure somebody else would be better at doing that than she is. And before you know it, she’s talked herself out of it. It’s like that great idea never happened.

The fear of failure is a really powerful and debilitating thing.

And that’s where you come in. As a mentor, you are in the unique position to talk her out of talking herself out of it. And you can do that with one simple question: “Why not?”

Why not run a fundraiser? Why not start a club? Why not write to that research institute whose work you really love? Or run an open mic night in El Table or the pub? Why not?

The best thing you can do for the people you’re leading is to give them the green light to try anyway. Create anyway. Fail anyway. Because the more you try, the more you get out of your comfort zone and do something that scares you, the less radical of an idea it becomes to take that first step.

And when your first year runs that fundraiser, whether she collects two grand or just one really suspect-looking quarter, you’ll be there. And you’ll tell her how proud you are of her for trying. And that you can’t wait to see her try again.

Those moments matter. On your end, it may seem like a no brainer. You knew she could do this. But she didn’t. It’s easy to see the potential in others, but less so to see that same potential in ourselves. And that’s why we speak up. It’s why we encourage others. It’s why I spend most of my time telling my Wellesley friends how great they are. No matter how confident you may be, there’s always self-doubt, self-judgment. Sometimes you just need to hear that you can do it, that it’s all going to be okay. Sometimes a cup of tea with a friend fixes everything.

And I’m not just speaking about the students you’ll be mentoring this year. This goes for you, too. Look around this room. Look around at your fellow student leaders, these smart and caring individuals, and make it a point to check in to see how they’re doing. Because being a leader doesn’t mean having it together all the time. It’s exhausting. It’s hard work. It’s why I refer to the circles under my eyes my “emotional baggage.” But we do it anyway. Because that hard work? It’s so worth it. Especially when you see the people you mentor walk out of here standing taller and more confident than they were before.

So this year, encourage your students and each other to try anyway. Lift each other up. Even if it’s just shooting a text to someone saying that you’re grateful for them or proud of the work they’re doing, your words and actions have weight. Don’t be afraid to use them.

Thank you.

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