Argument
When we have an argument, I think that the important thing is not the argument but having the wisdom to solve it.
Today, I almost argued with my sister as i have a different approach. If I compare with my sister, I have a tendency to do something deeply and perfectly and my sister will do it roughly and quickly. (It can change when my sister or I compare with other people). She can be irritated with me and i can feel this tension. I think we are very sensitive to each others feelings but we don’t say anything so a problem builds up. As a result, today we almost had an argument. My sister and my brother in law had an argument too. It was a significant matter. My sister wanted to take care of a friend’s dog and my brother in law opposed it. The original problem was solved quickly as she compromised however they kept arguing. When I saw the argument, i believe the problem was deeper. I think that I can be more objective because I’m a third party. He thought she blamed him and and she was irritated because she didn’t blame him. Anyway, the arguments are solved now and It made me think about how can I solve a disagreement.
I thought like below.
1. Know the deeper reason for the problem
Why they got mad and why they were thinking what they were thinking. We normally have an argument based on a significant problem, but the argument often goes deeper than the original problem and people share their thoughts and feelings on a bigger scale. For example, someone may dislike someone when they don’t understand or agree with their opinion, they may get mad when they feels incompetent or they may want to feel loved by someone but they don’t reciprocate the feeling. If we don’t explain the reason behind our emotions we will keep arguing and we can be tired with it and give up on friendships. It can be easier to solve problems when we know the deeper reason for the problem and understand what the problem is.
2. Try to understand
I know that words are easy and actual actions are difficult. For example, it would be a bad thing for someone who has fallen into the water who dislikes however, if you like water your reaction would be different. Does this mean that water is bad? No, it depends on each person what their reaction will be. Most of us have things we dislike and that is different for each of us. We can not understand it 100%, but we can empathize with why a person may be feeling that way towards a particular subject. I do not like people who keep doing things I dislike knowing i do not like it. It is because of the different environments we have all been brought up it and our upbringing influences our likes and dislikes. I think we need to compromise with our emotions in order to care for each other.
3. I think the more I can be generous, the more friends I can have that I can learn good side of them and adapt these personal traits into my own life
If I can be generous and understanding I can more about other people. It is difficult to grow and develop as a person by myself. For example, I want to be positive and enjoy my life, but It can be difficult to be positive by myself. We need other positive people around us to encourage and help us when we are not feeling as positive. Another example would be I want to be diligent person, but I’m not. It is difficult to be a diligent by myself. However If I hang out or live with diligent person, I can learn and i would become more diligent. I think the more I can be generous, the more friends I can have that I can learn good side of them and adapt these personal traits into my own life. If I describe character as a shape, we all have a unique shape in our mind. Each person’s unique shape has a sharp point. I think getting older allows our shapes to round up. I am learning how to live with different people and as a result the sharp shape in my mind is becoming more rounded.
4. Talk about things that we can do for each other
When we reconcile with each other, I think that It is better to talk about things that we can do for each other. When we argue, we should talk about what we can do for each other allowing us to be more considerate of each others feelings. In the situation of an argument, I think our mind is like wounded flesh. Words can be used which are offensive for the other person, even if it is not really an offensive word their intent was to hurt the other person. We can both talk about how we want the other person to behave, express our feelings and why we are hurt in order to help the other person understand. In doing this we are each sharing how we have hurt each other and hope to prevent this from happening in future. In order for this to work we need to listen and understand each others point of view.
One of my wise friend said that all we are different, because we grew up in different environments and so it is natural that we argue. We are all going in different directions, and sometimes this can lead to an argument. If we make a step to consciously close the distance of mind, we can hold each others hand and go forward together. It is difficult for me to execute so I have noted it down memorize, make effort to follow and practice.
*I’m Korean and learning English, so If there is any correction in my English, please let me know
