What happens when you reach out

Claire Sanders
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read
Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability

Have you seen the ‘Campaign to End Loneliness’ video that went viral on social media recently? It shows how easily we make friends and connections when we’re children, but how we often lose that ability once we’re older (‘Have we forgotten how to make friends’)

One of the biggest challenges when leaving the security of a standard 9–5 and going freelance is the loneliness. Nothing quite prepares you for the lack of structure and personal interaction. While it’s liberating being able to set your own schedule and work style, you can often find yourself craving the daily desk banter.

As an adult, you have varying combinations of job, partner and children — which means less free time, and also less patience for the trial-and-error process of forging new bonds. Even office friendships are in decline, probably because we change jobs more often, and 42 per cent of Brits say they don’t have a good friend at work (Oliver Burkeman, Psychology Magazine)

When I left my job last summer, I knew that I’d have to put myself ‘out there’. But what I didn’t anticipate was how incredible people would be. There are so many people willing to cheer you on, to keep you motivated, to boost you when you have setbacks.

I’ve contacted people who inspire me and ex-colleagues who I’ve not seen in years. And all of them have engaged with me with open arms. Psychologist Adam Grant cites research showing that when it comes to career networking, former friends are even more useful than current ones.

I’ve even had Skype chats with people I’ve met on Instagram, coffees with second degree connections, and meetings with friends of friends.

So many of us struggle to ask for help, but it’s amazing what happens if you embrace that fear and reach out. If you haven’t watched it yet, Brené Brown’s TED Talk about the power of vulnerability is a game-changer. In order to connect, we need to allow ourselves to be seen.

Here are my top tips for making new connections, whether that’s in business, in a new location, or simply to expand your existing circle.

  1. Put yourself out there — this is the hardest part to begin with. Cold contacting someone or introducing yourself in a social situation can be tough. But you’ll be so glad you did and believe it or not, we all feel the same way.
  2. Find a common link — there’s always something you have in common, or a connection you share. Ask a few key questions and talk about some of your own passions and you’ll be sure to find a topic that resonates.
  3. Keep in touch — follow up with an email or text to say how much you enjoyed meeting, and suggest another get-together. It might feel like you’re being forward but we all lead busy lives, so there’s nothing wrong with being proactive.
  4. Sharing is caring — it always has to be two-way. Seen a job that’s not right for you, but could be perfect for someone else? Send the link. Found an interesting article relating to something you talked about? Read a review of a great new restaurant? Sharing content or opportunities, and expecting nothing in return, is one of the best ways to build that connection.
  5. Be honest — open up. If you’re new to an area, or going through big life changes, be honest about what you’re going through. Admitting that you’re nervous or feeling a bit unsure shows strength, not weakness. You’ll be amazed at how many other people are winging it too!

Who knows where these conversations may take you..

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born — Anais Nin

About Me

A marketer for 20 years, I am a freelance marketing consultant at Collab Associates. You can connect with me on Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram or sign up to my newsletter.

Claire Sanders

Written by

Marketing Consultant escaping the norm

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