Society’s Invisible Victims: Intimate Partner Violence Debunked

Society collectively sees toxic relationships as controlling, isolating, and awfully distressing, but we don’t necessarily examine them beyond face value, nor do we acknowledge those most susceptible to a toxic situation. We as a community and as a developed society tend to assume that women are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence (IPV) than men. However, the relationship of gender to IPV is not as unambiguous as society assumes.

Society tends to perpetuate myths about intimate partner violence and stereotype IPV abusers as well as victims. A study conducted in Hong Kong highlights common misunderstandings made around the world: news sources tend to represent the abuser as a hot-tempered, reckless man and portray the victim as a young woman; indicating that the abused woman is an insufficient partner and that her own problems have triggered the violence (Leung, 2016). Perhaps society makes this distinction to protect gender stereotypes, some of which place males in a position of dominance and women in a position of submission. Younger generations, including today’s university student, tend to portray women as accommodating and men as self-absorbed; often thought to exert their will on others (Gerber, 1991). We further perpetuate these stereotypes: while both genders experience emotional shifts, women are expected to express and talk about emotions, while men are discouraged from expressing their unease, especially in an IPV situation. The discontinuity between emotional expression of the genders discourages men from speaking out about their abuse; if a man feels stigmatized by his situation, he may not be willing to report the abuse to friends and family. When a man speaks out about his trauma, he is often doubted and overlooked (Shams, 2018). A vicious cycle is created, in which one man is deterred from sharing his experiences; another man feels alone in his situation and is reluctant to vocalize his thoughts; an increased number of affected individuals feel unable to identify with others and are unwilling to express their concerns. The lack of male contribution to the discussion indicates a potentially higher rate of male victimization and female-perpetrated abuse than society cares to think.

As definitively as society depicts the typical male offender and female victim in an IPV situation, statistics tell a different story. Contrary to societal standards, research shows that any person is subject to experiencing an emotionally, physically, or psychologically abusive partnership, regardless of gender. Although IPV among university students appears to occur at excessive rates (Straus, 2004), both genders appear vulnerable to nonphysical abuse across the lifespan: approximately half of Americans report experiencing lifetime emotional abuse by a partner of either gender (Black et al., 2011). In 2012, a study was conducted analyzing the following aspects of IPV: when examined, emotional abuse averaged around 80%; 40% of women and 32% of men reported expressive aggression (e.g., name calling), and 41% of women and 43% of men reported coercive control (e.g. isolation tactics or threats of harm) (Carney & Barner, 2012). Although surprising in light of gender-based social norms, we observe that in comparison, men and women appear equally at fault in toxic relationships.

Society often fails to acknowledge the prevalence of intimate partner violence perpetrated by both genders in the face of gender stereotypes. The gender norms set up by society of the abusive man and the helpless woman are merely speculation: although the world tells us “men can’t be victims of abuse” (Shams, 2018), men and women are equally responsible for the infliction of IPV. We as a society need to recognize that anybody is susceptible to experiencing a toxic relationship: our compassion gives us a way to talk about IPV, unsettles gender roles in society, and gives survivors the support they need.

Works Cited:

Black, M. C., Basile, K. C., Breiding, M. J., Smith, S. G., Walters, M. L., & Merrick, M. T. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 summary report. Retrieved February 6, 2018, from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf

Barner, J. R., & Carney, M. M. (2012). Prevalence of partner abuse: rates of emotional abuse and control. Partner Abuse,3(3). doi:10.1891/1946–6560.3.3.286

Gerber, G. L. (1991). Gender stereotypes and power: Perceptions of the roles in violent marriages. Sex Roles,24(7–8). doi:10.1007/bf00289333

Karakurt, G., & Silver, K. E. (2013). Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: The role of gender and age. Violence and Victims,28(5). doi:10.1891/0886–6708.vv-d-12–00041

Leung, L. (2016). Deconstructing the myths about intimate partner violence: A critical discourse analysis of news reporting in Hong Kong. Journal of Interpersonal Violence. doi:10.1177/0886260516660298

Shams, T. (2018, January 04). Myths Around Men Experiencing Abuse. Retrieved February 06, 2018, from http://www.thehotline.org/2017/11/28/myths-around-men-experiencing-abuse/

Straus, M. A. (2004). Prevalence of violence against dating partners by male and female university students worldwide. Violence Against Women,10(7). doi:10.1177/1077801204265552