Challenges & Trials are Essential Part of Life (Diary)
Lately, my life has been flat, no real motivation to get up early in the morning and no reasons not to sleep late. I’ve been productive. Everything has been well handled, but it just lack of seasonings.
Let me tell my story, I’m in love with one of guys in my school. He is very much resemble the guys in my mother’s family. Yeah, he has almost the same face structure, attitudes and interests. Since I was a child, I have always been raised with understanding that the guys from my mother family are smart and have high potential to be the perfect husband compared to the my father’s family. Okay, so it was love at the first sight. It was painful, but I planned to get him. He’s only human who has both strengths & weaknesses. Unfortunately, my eyes have been blinded. I have chosen to ignore the weaknesses & focus only on his strengths. As you might guess, he is very beautiful in my eyes.
The problem is, I never truly had experience with love in past. I don’t know how to show if I’m in love with someone. Yet, every night I wish to be with him but strangely I don’t wish to date him. I will be timid in his presence, can’t really be my own selves. I wish to have him, but I can’t picture how we share happiness in my mind. He was on the number 1 among my 19 birthday wish. Now I feel like it was wasted.
Now I realized, that all this time, there are lots of thing that I have been missed. Lots of time I’ve been wasted over him, while it’s turned out I misread my own feelings. This is just the sense of familiarity of family. Meeting him here just feel like finding my own family who I can depend on. Not more than that. All these years, I’ve been blind about his ignorance and impolite manner. All these years, I’ve been blind about ungentle, his rude accent. I have closed my time all this time, for something that even can’t be called as love. I’ve been wasting all my dreams over him. No, I don’t even resent him. How can I resent someone I respect? However, now I’m grateful that I’ve come clean. So I don’t need to hang over someone anymore. I am ready to start my quest upon finding my own prince.
I’m ready to move on over lingering on someone who resemble my mother’s brothers. Instead, I will get my own list ready based on my own criterias & judgements. Then, I will lead my own version of happy life. Hey, I want someone who is caring, warm, playful, polite, tall, handsome and smart. I prefer responsible guy with high integrity who can protect me. Someone who is independent & not easily get down. Someone who praise the same God & able to respect my parents. Someone who gives me personal space yet always succeed in spontaeously surprised me with little actions that show how much he wants me. Someone who enjoy same sports, movies, activities, travels, books & missions. Someone who pure & put lots of effort in understanding me. When the right one comes, then the door will be shut for once & forever.
Okay so now, since I am free once again, let me use my life to dream big and throw the challenges into my path again.
- By 8–9 November, I will get 100/100 in my A2 french test.
- By 10 December (2 months from now), I can use all the clothes in my wardrobe & wear short pants nicely ☺
- I will get accepted in the Swiss for my 2nd internship
- By 1 April 2015, I will speak Chinese fluently for 30 minutes & able to take HSK 6 test
- By end of December 2014, I can buy Sony Xperia Z3 using my own money
- By January 2017, I will get promoted into Sales Manager in 5 star hotel
- By January 2018, I can buy my own house & blue cadillac
- January-March 2019, I bring my parents & brothers travel all the part of the world.
- By September 2019, I marry the man I love
Actually all these dreams, they scare me so much. But, I’ve born into this world. So better I live fully or not to live at all.
