Extremely Good Shit of April 2016

Hello again!

As T. S. Eliot wrote in his iconic poem The Waste Land: “April is the dankest month, breeding / Content out of the web sites, mixing / Good Shit and Bad, stirring / Thinkpieces and #Lemonade.”

Please enjoy this list of April’s Extremely Good Shit.

Sophie Beem is the coolest popstar who’s young enough to still need a chaperone. The 16-year-old can’t buy tickets to an R-rated movie, but in her newest video for debut single “Skyline” she doesn’t need to: the whole of Manhattan is her playground. The video isn’t exactly glam — she finds herself prowling the streets next to junky Chinese restaurants and inside rundown arcades, but she’s still rocking a fur coat with a bunch of her friends. The trippy visuals match her drawled “I ain’t even here right now” refrain, and she sings “you get trashed until you’re treasure” with a weariness of someone 10 years her senior. The video speaks to how clear Beem’s point of view is: she’s not going to be just another shiny pop-tart, she’s going to be a little grimy and rough around the edges just like the city she was raised in.

Gilmore Guys, the world’s premiere all-male podcast about Gilmore Girls, had Jake and Amir as guests on their April Fools’ Day episode recapping an episode of Entourage. Hosts Kevin Porter and Demi Adejuyigbe are usually kind, feminist, and generally unproblematic, but this episode saw them switching into macho alpha personas obsessed with bangin’ chicks and gettin’ ripped. Jake and Amir are game participants, and the conversation dips into civil rights (“Entourage is like the Selma of TV”), I Love Lucy (“why didn’t Lucy and Ethel ever kiss?”) and male friendship (there’s a supercut of every time a character says “bro” during the episode).

I have never laughed as hard at a podcast as I have during this episode, and while I encourage you to listen to a few normal Gilmore Guys episodes — in part because it’s a delightful and charming show and also so that you understand how much of a departure this is for Kevin and Demi— you can listen to it without having heard any other episodes.

In other podcast news, Jessica Williams of The Daily Show and Phoebe Robinson of Broad City have brought their phenomenal live show 2 Dope Queens straight to your earbuds in podcast format. Each episode features Williams and Robinson as well as three guest comedians, and I’ve already found some new favorites (Beth Stelling, where have you been in my life?).

Kaitlyn Tiffany wrote a fantastic breakdown of the songs used in the trailers for the upcoming movie Suicide Squad. This is Good Shit for a couple reasons: Tiffany is hands-down one of the funniest writers for The Verge, and Suicide Squad is just begging to be roasted.

Caitie Delaney combined my two literal favorite objects of ridicule (YouTube Vloggers and the poem “This Is Just To Say”) to create this A+ piece of work.

Georgie Morvis, my partner in talking shit about everything but mostly The Vamps, gave Carly Rae Jepsen’s first album Tug of War a much-needed #resurface. I’m not into folk pop, but Georgie’s excellent analysis piqued my ~curiosity~ and I’m pleased to report that Tug of War certainly belongs in the hallowed halls of Jepsen canon. Mr. Morvis is one of the few people I would trust with my beloved CRJ, and he is a perfect shepherd to lead the flock to the promised land.

Chris Brown released a very nasty song about “fucking a girl back to sleep” (just say rape, Chris) and Bethany Cosentino of Best Coast addressed the problems with it.

Robin Alperstein wrote an incredibly well-researched longread about the hypocrisy, lies, and harmful arguments made by the Sanders presidential campaign as well as Bernie’s blatant lack of qualifications for the job. I know that Clinton is the presumptive nominee and the race is essentially over, but Alperstein isn’t kicking the man while he’s down — she’s presenting vital facts about a presidential race during which much of the discourse has been about a fucking bird.

And because I’m petty, here’s this roast by Jack Moore of how the Sanders campaign tried to spin their recent layoffs:

Listen. I’m not saying that Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias are the John Lennon and Paul McCartney of our generation. I’m not. What I am saying is that Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias are what John Lennon and Paul McCartney could have been if they had both gone solo and then re-collaborated on a hip-hop/pop song about infidelity, “no thong up under that skirt,” and a part that definitely sounds like someone yelling the word ‘chimichanga’ but I don’t want to make racist assumptions but also I really hope it’s the word ‘chimichanga.’ What I am saying is that Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias are what John Lennon and Paul McCartney could have been if they were any good. Chimichanga.

I won tickets to see The Huntsman: Winter’s War for free. As someone didn’t have to pay for it, I can say that it was a delightful, awful film. It was equal parts Shrek, Maleficent, and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, all of which happen to be among my favorite movies. The Scottish accents were atrocious and unnecessary, no scene went un-chewed, and the costumes were a pure delight. I’ve never seen such an expensive, polished turd.

Charlie Jane Anders wrote a very accurate review of this movie, and she just gets it. Of course it’s not a good movie. But it’s one of the best bad movies I’ve seen in recent years, and her review is one of the best I’ve read.

“I just watched Snow White and the Public Domain IP the other day, so it’s fresh in my mind, and I can tell you that Huntsman: The Contractual Obligation Movie is way more fun.”

Charli XCX has become a full-on pop star with the video for her weirdest song yet. She’s always been more of a punk rock queen than a dance princess, but “Vroom Vroom” sees her delivering flouncy choreo in a little leather number that’s clearly an homage to Britney Spears’ iconic jumpsuit. Fellow PC Music collaborator Hannah Diamond also makes an appearance. The video, like the song, is a jarring and severe take on frothy pop.

I’m politically nuanced enough that I am not a single-issue voter. However, if I were, that single issue would be DC statehood (shhh, don’t tell abortion that I said that). In case you haven’t heard me angrily shouting about this, let me catch you up on the injustices that our nation’s capital suffers:

  • we receive zero voting representation in Congress, despite being more populous than two states and having a larger economy than 16 states
  • we are represented by a single delegate in the House of Representatives, who cannot vote on the House floor and probably has to raise their hand to go to the bathroom like a little bitch
  • Congress has total jurisdiction over the District, meaning DC is as disenfranchised as women’s uteri

This discrimination is especially salient given that DC is majority black, with a higher percentage of black residents than any state in the US. DC also has the highest percentage of LGBT adults in the United States. These are groups that have consistently been denied basic civil rights, and denying them a say in DC’s budget and laws is an unforgivable violation.

I just have one request: please don’t name us “New Columbia.” We’ve suffered enough already.

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