Newsflash: For some, you will never be important (and that’s okay)
I used to cry over the idea that I’m not significant to people I care for. I remember spending a lot of time figuring out how to convince them that they need me, that I am vital to their lives, digging my skin for all the reasons I can offer for them to keep having this space reserved for me. It was a struggle, it was painful, and tiring.
But I didn’t stop because back then, I was young. I felt like I’m doing the right thing specially when I see them appreciating me, when I feel that I belong. So no matter how hard it is to keep up with their expectations on me, I tried everything to stay significant. And I did. I was included in the circle. I was on this imaginary list of who’s in. Then I watched in sorrow the people who did not make it, wondering why with the simple idea of being accepted, we have to give up a lot of things, sometimes even our own identities.
Then I grew up. By doing so, I met more people and I found out that things don’t work that way all the time. I realized that there are times when no matter how much you try being relevant to people dear to you, they will not treat you the same.
If the road to adulthood is a highway, along the journey is this huge signboard that says, “Newsflash: For some, you’re insignificant”.
Of course, letting it sink in will not be instant. You’ll stop the car, park it beside the highway, get off, and stand in front of the sign, staring at it with disbelief. You’ll want to stop the other cars passing by, or call friends to tell them about this huge joke being flashed along the highway. You’ll feel the desperation to tear it down, because for you it’s a lie.
But it hurts, and slowly, you’ll understand that maybe, it’s true.
Until now, it is. I admit that it was a long process for me to be used to this truth. There are days when I still find myself doing things I promised myself I won’t do anymore back then. Yet, I have to remind myself of the signboard.
At first, it felt weird. I felt like I am degrading myself whenever I try to remember that I am not important to some people. A lot will probably tell me I am crazy for thinking that way but let me tell you a secret: it did not destroy me.
When you accept the fact that you’re not relevant to some people, you are actually saving yourself from a lot of troubles. If you start letting go people who badly want to get out of your life, erasing virtual and personal conversations where you’re mostly a sender than receiver, throwing away pictures where you’re clinging to souls you’re with in the image while they are looking away with awkward smiles, then you’re doing the right thing.
You see, you can tell someone you’re there for them over and over but if you don’t own the arms they think they need, they won’t run to you.
So save those arms for people who really need it. Save your time for friends worth spending the day with. You are given fingers to clasp with those that will clasp them back, eyes to look at those who will not look away, heart to let in the ones who are not forcing themselves to step inside, and life worth living with people that don’t demand you to break your bones, bend your back, change your skin for them to fully accept you.
For some, you’re insignificant. You’re just a passerby, a shadow, an unnamed person sitting in one corner of their lives.
But for others, your name means comfort, your eyes are stars, your arms are homes. And you’ll learn that most of the time, it’s more than enough.
