Overcoming My Worse Habit

About a year ago I was invited to play at a small soccer tournament at a university. It was August in Northeastern Mexico, and it was very hot. I wasn’t in good shape and hadn’t played for a while. I entered the game afraid of fucking up. And that’s exactly what I did. My passing was terrible, my shots off target, and two of my mistakes led to goal-scoring plays for the other team. We were down 1–6, and I was drowning in a sea of negative, self-defeating thoughts. In the middle of a play, somehow, I became aware of what I was telling myself — “Ya no puedo. Ya no puedo. Ya no puedo.” I was repeatedly telling myself “I can’t do it”. And as soon as I realized that, I changed my thoughts and started repeating “I can do it”. And while I did fuck up several more times, I managed to score a goal. We lost 2–6 and it’s been one of the worst games I’ve ever played. But I believe my terrible performance had more to do with how I was treating myself than with how out of shape I was.
Last week I came to the same realization as I was preparing for an important meeting. I was stressed about the meeting, worrying about fucking up and saying the wrong thing. And as I continued to exaggerate the consequences of doing something bad, I realized I was bullying myself and filling up my mind with a stream of negative thoughts. So I relaxed. I took some conscious breaths, and decided to let go of my worries and focus on the task at hand. The following morning the meeting went well. There are some things I will do better next time, but it went well.
I believe negative, self-directed thoughts are the root of the stress I’ve experienced most of my life. Negative thoughts accumulate and it’s hard to breathe under such conditions. Every time I experience stress I’m usually focusing on bad things about myself, what could happen in the future, or what happened in the past. I see negative thinking a form of self-bullying and is one of the most harmful bad habits I partake in.
And I want to overcome this bad habit.
To overcome this bad habit I will practice thinking positively about myself while practicing activities that induce self-awareness. Some activities I’ve started to practice include taking breaks during work, breathing more deeply, getting proper physical and mental rest, and journaling.
If you have other relaxing techniques or have found ways to see through negative thought storms, let me know in the comments section below, I’d love to learn what’s worked for you.
