My little brother asked me to be the best man in his wedding. I, of course, replied with a big smile and a ‘Yes, I’d be honored.’

And then I started sweating.

See, I knew what this request entailed. It meant that I had to speak about my little brother in front of a large gathering of people wearing their Sunday finery and expecting something good. This made me nervous. What also made me nervous was that my little brother had developed a terrifically terrible habit of looking up to me, which makes it even more of a challenge, ‘cause what I’m going to say is actually going to be listened to.

Add those up and it equaled a pants-cleaning.

So I did some thinking. And that thinking led me to realize that I was doing too much thinking. Just speak from the heart, man! Agreed? Agreed.

But I needed to write it down. I know, I know. It’s not the same as ‘winging it’ or, ya know, memorizing it. But I didn’t trust myself to knock it out if I was to attempt either one of those directions.

I needed to express myself articulately. I don’t do it often to those I love, but this was my opportunity. This was my chance to tell him what he means to me, his family, his friends, and most importantly, his new bride.

What an incredible opportunity. I love that damn kid.

I put more pressure on myself to write something decent than I’ve ever put on myself for anything I’ve ever written before.

After months of beginning, stopping, re-starting, stopping, getting frustrated, forgetting about it, remembering about it, so on and so forth…it all finally came to me on one airplane ride.

Here it is.
(I mention ‘you’ a couple of times below and that is in reference to myself. Like stage directions, as I talk to myself as if another person.)

When you goto give speech, act nervous.

‘Hello, I’m Justin…one of Jon’s brothers. I wrote…uhhh…something…’

Pull out a tiny, shredded piece of napkin with ‘speech’ on it. Hold with two hands for effect. Squint.

‘To Joan…(stumble, look up, embarrassed) Jon. I love you. You’re a great bro-’

Flip napkin over.

‘-ther. And Blair, hi, I love you, too. (…Pause…stare a little too long at Blair.)

OH! (Stumble, ham it up) just not in the way Joan, JON, loves you! Like in a new, sister-in-law, type of-Ok, I’ll stop now.’

(Ditch act, come clean.)

‘I wrote something else, too.’

( Put napkin back in pocket. Reach for ipad, Eric will be holding it.)

Grab Ipad and begin.

‘The say don’t blink or you’ll miss it.
Well, I think I must have blinked somewhere along the way, because I missed it.
I missed when my little brother became a man.

It must have been somewhere between the butt-pad undies when he was six and today.
The All-Star selections in every sport he ever played and today.
The Goosebumps, the vids, the pogs.
The going off for 12 straight points in a fraternity game and today.
The 90mph fastball, The high school all-time rebounding record, the SMU masters degree, the law school entrance, the World of Warcraft, and today.

And then I thought of something.
It must have been the moment that he met Blair.

Jon- you’re getting a beautiful wife with a quick sense of humor, a massive heart and an even bigger smile. You’re getting a woman who is a wonderful teacher, sister, daughter and above all else, person. To find such a complete person in today’s world is tough, take it from me, the loser with no date to his little brother’s wedding. (Who wrote this? -act confused)

Blair-you’re getting a husband who is strong, caring, handsome, funny, loving and genuine. He is, by far, the best little brother in the world.
It’s true, I checked.
He’s perfectly imperfect, massively talented, and a man of his word.
He is, however, not much on car care. Looks like they filmed the trash-compactor scene from Stars Wars in his front seat.

So, Jon and Blair- I, along with the rest of the people in this room, wish you a
happily ever after.

But remember, fairy tales aren’t always like the ones we see in the movies.
There are rarely little mice or hummingbirds around to dress us in the morning.
Or a talking crab to comb our hair with dinglehoppers, er, forks.
Or a fast talking blue genie to grant us everything we’ve ever wanted.

But those fairy tales do get one thing right.

And that’s Love.

We are all here today for your love, Jonboy and Blairski.

I mean, look at this place!
Lookit how hot everyone is, all gussied up.
For you two!
Take it in.
Maybe kiss each other.
No, like really, kiss each other, like make out.
We’re waiting. (they kiss)

Geesh, get a room.

In conclusion: Don’t ever blink.
Don’t miss any of your happily ever after.’