Why My Chauffeur Quit

Last Friday, my chauffeur, Erin, quit. Here is how it went down:

I was standing in the kitchen when I got home from school.

Erin said, “What time should I wake you up from your nap?”

I responded, “How do you even know that I am taking a nap. What do you just think that I am a lazy person that sleeps all day?”

She said something along the lines of, “I do not think that of you; I know that you work very hard but the past few days you have been taking a nap.”

Annoyed, I responded, “I have told you so many times before that I can keep track of my own time and know when I have to get ready.”

Then, she said, “You don’t have to be so rude about it. I am just trying to help so that you don’t have to worry about setting an alarm.”

Again, I said, “Yeah, but I have told you that I can manage my own time and know what time I have to go places.”

She responded, “It is my job to keep you safe and get you places on time.”

No longer being able to deal with her annoyance, I said, “Well, you never show up to work on time!”

Side note: She was supposed to be at work at 2:00 but she would show up at 2:15 EVERYDAY with a pre-planned variety of BS excuses.

Offended, she said, “That is so rude and disrespectful of you!”

I shrugged and went on with what I was doing but I guess she respected me to say something back.

She went upstairs and came back down about thirty seconds later and said, “That was so rude of you and you need to apologize to me.”

I responded, “Apologize for what? You come at 2:15 everyday.”

She marched right back up the stairs and called my mom, her boss.

She told my mom what had happened and was saying things about how she felt that I new that I could do whatever I want at home because it is my house. She also that I felt that it was my turf and that if my mom took me anywhere in public that I would on my best behavior. (I never went in public with her because I was too embarrassed) Obviously, that was a false statement. Then she continued to say how the way talk to my mom, dad, brother, sister, and her disgusts her and that she can’t be around it anymore. She stated to my mom that if do not apologize to her that she would not be coming back on Monday.

I got on the phone with my mom and she started flipping out on me. She told me that Erin was going to quit if I didn’t apologize her.

I then said, “If she is going to get butthurt over the littlest things and saying two words is going to make it all better than sure I will apologize so that she doesn’t quit.”

Erin came running down the stairs and said, “Excuse me!”

I put Erin back on the phone with my mom and she said, “He is so disprectful to me! I cannot believe that he said I get butthurt and that saying two words is going to make it all better. No! I am done. I am not coming back Monday!”

Epilogue

My older cousin is now my babysitter. She gives me the AUX cord in the car and takes me and my siblings to Starbucks soooo she is super awesome and great. I rate her a 10/10 babysitter. That is all.

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