Dear Family… Or thoughts on all the flags in my Facebook feed

Dear family: I love you all. I know many of you because of our family’s long legacy of military and public service feel very connected to the flag and maybe the anthem as symbols of that service and the ideals of our country. We are sports fans. It is in our DNA. And from kids hockey games to grandkids first trips to Fenway, the national anthem is part of that experience. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get teary eyed watching Simone Manuel honored by the anthem receiving gold for our country. A country that only a generation ago segregated swimming pools and poured acid on Black swimmers.

So here’s where I am asking for your open mind and heart. This is not hypothetical. When you say that athletes protesting systemic racism are disrespecting the flag it hurts ME. It hurts my family. What I hear is that decorum and civility are more important than confronting the racism my husband faces daily. And I don’t think it should matter that we know and love the people impacted, but perhaps it will make it more tangible for you.

James Baldwin said that it is heartbreaking to realize that a flag you’ve pledged allegiance to has not pledged allegiance to you. My husband is 3/5 of a human being according to our Constitution. And yet challenging our country to grow into the ideals it was founded on and recognize the faults and fault lines along the way is seen as disrespectful. That some of you are more concerned about Megan Rapinoe taking a knee in Columbus yesterday than that a 13 — year old was killed by police in Columbus yesterday hurts my heart. I know that’s not who you are.

So I am asking you to dig deeply into your hearts and make room for difficult conversations. If this country is really going to be true to what it said on paper, if it’s going to be a safe place to raise my daughter, to raise all of our children, we need you in this fight. I know you are all some of the bravest, kindest, strongest people I know. I know that as Michelle Alexander said, that in any given day there are a million other things any of us would rather do than look into the dark racist underbelly of our country. But the fact is that my friends of color have no choice. You do. And I’m asking you to choose to get involved in a fight for a better future. Don’t let hate (or a need to make people feel comfortable) beat progress. We are far from done.

Michelle Alexander wrote that more is required of us now. She said that surely the Black people in Montgomery would have rather taken the bus day in and out for A YEAR. But they had to walk, she said, and so do we. So I am asking you to walk with me. I am asking you to think in your life about what it means to walk for justice. How will you walk?