I’VE GOT STUFF and LOT’S of IT

PART ONE

SHOES

So I live in a big old house, but because it was built in the 1800s they didn’t believe in closet space

I have so many shoes they don’t wear out.

They’re piled in one closet and then a second closet and then under my bed and then under my second bedroom bed.

Maybe a hundred pairs?.

I always believed women were the Shoe Motel Managers, but I take the cake. It’s not a fetish, it’s just that I’ve lived a long time.

Shoes for business. Shoes for pleasure. Sneakers for sports (my definition is that sneakers fall into the shoe category). Shoes that I bought and never wore, and very expensive shoes that I don’t really go to places where I could use them. Oh yes, throw in a few pair of slippers including ski socks with soles, whatever the hell they are. Oh, don’t forget the sandals and flip flops. I actually did get rid of the ones where the center stem popped out from the bottom. Boots…I have a few. I bought a cheap pair of knockoffs similar to UGGs from Costco, and you can actually wear those things out in the freezing cold weather and snow… and feel toasty warm without socks. They look almost new as I sprayed the suede exterior with silicone protection when I got them. Then there are the pair of subtle green suede loafers from Bally’s on Fifth Avenue in New York. They look brand-new. They will never wear out. Remember someone once said that we will all be out-lived by the cockroaches? We will actually be out-lived by the cockroaches AND my Bally loafers.

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I went on a date in my 20s wearing them. They are definitely not out of style…kind of like a Ralph Lauren polo shirt.

We will save Ralph for another day.