But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength ❤️

Clearissa Lynn Castaneda
Nov 5 · 3 min read

I do believe the chaos roaring in me has found some kind of balance. I’ve learned to save some me for me instead of doing everything all the time for others I just stop and breath. Take in the moment. 2 yrs. ago I couldn’t recognize that. Even when I feel like breaking which has happened a million times, but I know God knows my heart and me stressing over what others say, think of me it actually doesn’t matter. I never believe it you know that I was strong. I’ve been told my whole life I was, but after what I faced I believe that was the ultimate break and I believe 100% I am THAT strong. I could of tossed those pills back so many times I stayed up late at night while my son was asleep in the next room, face full of tears as I told myself to just do it. So much strength it took me and I am grateful that I’ve recognized how beautiful it was that God always was beside me whispering “keep your faith, you are so worth it” I have had a big band aid on this broken heart of mine but as time has gone on I’ve peeled it back and felt the pain and owning that this is my story and it indeed is real. I was 27 lost my Daughter, 8 months later underwent a important open heart surgery and here I am TODAY so brave, strong, death didn’t take that away from me when my girl was called home. It took me awhile I still fall, trip, stop at some points along my walk but I never stop believing, with all my heart. I heard a actor say “when God talks to us we have to listen” a situation occurred and u was back and forth with myself and pure anger full in my body, a moment popped in my mind telling me opposite of what I was feeling and I pushed it aside tears filled my eyes and I kept saying “please later not now” that was one of those moments I needed to listen. But telling myself opposite because I was full of anger. Learning to stop and listen. Through my journey God has never ever left me. I wish we could all experience those moments. Simply beautiful. I’ve always said one of the things I’m so happy I still got to hold onto was my laughter I believe God believed that was a thing I did so greatly I’ve always been told by people my smile and laugh is beautiful. I’ve held onto that laughter so hard. I love I can laugh with myself, someone or a group of people even till my stomach hurts. That is beautiful to me and always will be. I cherish the moments. It has become my absolute favorite. One I wish to hold onto forever. I do hold dearly to it. I do look at my life; journey and know I am blessed and have true people in my life who love me, I have my boys and with all the chaos here and there I’m still Standing y’all, no matter the fall I know to just always remember to get up; I’ve already survived what I thought would kill me. Beating to the sound of my own drum; with great pride. I’ve fought hard to be this women I’m becoming.

💛I’m trusting “the magic of new beginnings.”

“Her soul is fierce” 🖤

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade