never fall in love with a long haired man.
I’ve been attracted to him for a reasonably long time. Maybe, ever since I met him. It wouldn’t surprise you now— now he is a bass-guitar playing child of Wonder Women and some Scandinavian God. But back then he was a geeky-looking guy with his long black hairs, cut short and coloured in pink, with no hind on a rock band on a horizon. But I still liked him.
I liked his T-shirts with video-games I never played, and his passionate talks about music bands I never listened to. I liked the kind of people he attracted. I liked his brave and sarcastic temper. He was what I wanted to be, but never dared to become.
We’ve been studying at the same university for three years. We took many classes together, but (here goes the problem) never talked with each other. I’ve asked him questions during class discussions, I looked at him, I avoided looking at him, I gave him a compliment, I stared at him, I stalked him and accidentally (and not really) bumped in to him in corridors.
In other words, all kinds of romantic messages were send, expect of the real ones. Weird, you would say, but it wouldn’t be if you knew me. I have ready-to-go questions prepared about his past, dreams and ideas. I want to ask him if he remembers how we met. I want to know if he noticed me running away from him, when we met on stairs (not an easy thing to forget, I suppose). If he does, than I want to know what he thought and want to tell him the stories I have.
I know he was interested in me: I don’t know what he has told himself to be interested, but he liked them just as I do. Now, I feel that the like is gone. It is mildly painful — I know I can like him much more. Make a step? But what about all kinds of disappointments I can bring? He is many things I want and I am scared to scare him. I know, I can. I’m a good actress, perfectly playing a role of a sophisticated girl with deep thoughts and feelings.
But even if nothing ever happens, I am grateful for all the things he unknowingly made me to do. I’m grateful for all places, feelings and people I met in hunt after a long haired man. He made me want to live a life with better stories. The long haired guy, may never know about it and if you do, you may lough, but thank you. I needed you.
The distance between us will keep growing. He will meet many more girls like me. Romantic, geeky, smart girls brave enough to have the talk we never had. He will fall in love with one or two of them and passing through hallways, once in a while, think of the big-eyed curly-haired shy girl.