Who am I kidding?

Photo by David Talley on Unsplash

This happens all the time, every blog I start ends up uncared for. Well, what can you do, right? 😄

I miss playing videogames. I miss Witcher 3 world, but I don’t have any missions left to do 😋. I would like to re-play all the Assassin’s Creed games since the first one, but I’m to lazy to do that 😥. I would like to play at least one of the “free” games Sony gives to PSN members every month, but they’re accumulating virtual dust in my virtual library 😭.

I would also like to read more. As it so happens, I do not seem to being able to read at home, so I can only read on the 20 minutes I have on the ferry every work day. And nowadays books comes in trilogies with almost a thousand pages each. It’s faster to wait for the movie 😒.

But the feeling that grows stronger inside of me every day is the urge to leave Brazil. As I think I said before, I’m a public servant in here, which means that, theoretically, I have a stable job for life. Which means I would work in the Government for life. And anyone with internet access in the last four years knows how putrid and disgusting our Government is. And here in Rio de Janeiro is not different, as the rulers are from the same party that is ruling the country right now. 💩

I’m in a disadvantage here. My work is not that technical for years. Although I know what’s in use out there or what’s the best practice in management, inside of here is a hole other world, a late one. We do not develop our systems, we outsource it to software factories. So we demand that they comply to the agile methodology, that their QA use the best in testing and so on. Part of my job is to review the use case they make, analise database and class diagrams and even read some code. But we control and manage them using waterfall 👎, we pay them based on function points 👌.

My point is: there’s a difference between know stuff and effectivally do stuff. The fact that I’ve been reading use cases for the past 8 years do not make me the best system analyst out there 😔. Just because somehow I understand the XGH code people do here, it does not mean I’m Mr. Robot 👀.

“A silhouette of an airplane against an orange sky over an airport” by Dominik Scythe on Unsplash

I’m saying this because I’ve been reading through some options. Canada, Australia and New Zeland are three of the main destinations for english speakers from Brazil and they have great immigration programs. And the fact that I lack recent technical experience makes it harder for me to find an job offer abroad. And without a job offer, my chances of leaving are close to zero. To go without a job require a minimun amount of money that I don’t have now (and if we consider the exchange rate it gets worse 😭).

So, as I have finished the full stack course I talked about on my previous article, I made another change on my study plans and now I’m almost finishing this Python Bootcamp. I was not that satisfied with PHP, it seemed that the community still have that inside war of who’s better than who and I don’t have patience for this stuff anymore. So now I’m in love with Python ❤️. I’m doing the 30 Days of Coding challenge on HackerRank and some katas at CodeWars.

I feel kinda lost. I’m not happy in my actual life, I see no future for me in here. At the same time, I don’t know yet how I can improve myself to get out of here without getting out of here, if that’s possible. For as bad as it is in here, it is far worse out there in the market right now. When I leave this job I also want to leave this city and this country. I do not fell good here, I do not perceive how the people in power are able to even think in do what they are doing. I not even able to understand how the population are accepting this so passivally. I cannot live in a society like this.