a love letter to my body

I’m sorry I haven’t been listening to you.

sitting down and being still with you.

I haven’t been appreciating you

every time I have the pleasure of seeing you.

I’ve been ignoring your calls to be taken care of.

I know how I choose to behave can affect you

yet I chose to disrespect you.

I know how to take care of you

like you deserve to be treated

but instead I make excuses not to.

I would hate to be treated like that.

I wouldn’t tolerate being treated like that,

but still,

here you are.

every day.

blossoming.

showing me ever more reasons to love you

every day.

sending me messages

hoping I receive.

because if I receive,

you get the pleasure of receiving.

you experience pleasure

through me experiencing pleasure.

such is the nature of your love for me,

it is unconditional,

and knows no separation.

you will keep loving me till my dying day,

because each day closer to death

is one more day of life.

and you are pure,

you are God,

you are made of the stuff of perfection,

just like everyone is.

you are Love manifested.

everything is Love manifested.

it’s my judgement that says otherwise,

creating the clouds that block me

from experiencing the perfection.

in everything.

I will no longer not extend my Love

to any corner of the universe

because any one

lost soul

told me to beware.

I will no longer not extend my love

to any corner of my universe

because any one fellow

journeying soul

told me to beware.

I will stop apologising for you.

valuing someone else’s opinion

over my own

and in doing so

giving them power over me.

why am I so quick to brand myself

as wrong?

why do I seek to be so small?

my love

is your love.

and my love is round.

my love is soft.

my love is textured.

my love is raw.

my love is alive.

my love is hairy.

my love is sweaty.

my love is gentle.

my love is strong.

my love is colourful.

I feel ashamed when I blush

I feel like I look ugly when

I go bright red.

I’m sorry Face.

I’m sorry Body for getting put off sports,

healthy and competitive play,

fitness and fun,

because of it.

I ignored you

as I learnt to hate you.

isolated myself

when I isolated you.

I judged you as unlovable,

convinced myself the love

you received from others

must be conditional.

must have been due to

how you looked that day,

how much you conformed to

what is “beautiful”.

either that

or those who loved you

were delusional,

or trying to steal

something from you.

rather than

you were loved

for being the full,

alive,

powerful,

incredible

human body

that you are.

the divine gift

that allows me to experience life

in physical form,

this time around.

I will never die,

there is only life

and more life.

yet still

you will whither

and at some point

we will die.

in our time together,

I want to show you

how valued

and appreciated

you are.

I want to love you

like you love me.

God help me

to love me

like you love me.

Help me to release

all my doubt in you.

All my need to explain myself.

My need to be approved of

and understood.

My job is to be love.

My only job is your will for me.

You have the perfect plan for creation.

I don’t know shit.

I surrender my need to know.

Please carry me.

Please lift me.

Please hold me.

I release everything that tells me

I’m not worthy of being held,

that it can’t be that easy.

That it has to be more confusing

or more hard

or more painful.

I’m not going to epilate my legs when I go to Belize.

My legs have never been so hairy before, and I’m scared.

What am I scared of?

That I won’t be loved and accepted as I am?

That I will be judged or laughed at?

For what?

For being me?

How God created me?

Why would I want anyone who would judge me for being me

To approve of me?

They don’t love me

So why would I sacrifice

my love

For their like?

Love for fear.

I love you body

Exactly as you are

And I will always love you

Exactly as you are.

I will never hide any part of you

in shame.

Deem any part of you

To be unworthy of love.

I love you