Fueled by Love and Hate

After living and breathing and eating and shitting on this earth for 26 years, I’ve mostly accepted the fact that I am a hit or miss kind of person on a gigantic scale.

There’s been times when I’ve been told by women I thoroughly admire and respect, “I have such a girl-crush on you!” or have been told by another, “That guy said your smile lights up the whole room!”

I’d wonder if people have received the compliments that I’ve gotten over the years. The kind of compliments that are only mentioned on documentaries about one particular person. The kind that morph your self-esteem into thinking you’re like the David Bowie of normal, non-famous people.

Then there’s the people that I’ve missed. It could be that I’d said something so blindly shameless that I’d inadvertently offended someone. It could be that I outed a girl for being on her period. It could be that I talk about my period on full volume and women want to create the illusion that they don’t do that. I’d be reminding the population that no female is exempt from shedding uteral lining.

It truly is not just me being dramatic, which is probably a reason why some people don’t like me.

I suppose it’s because I’m completely self-absorbed and self-obsessed and can’t really determine whether or not it’s an everybody thing. Often, I wonder if people have heard the things I’ve been told when it comes to, “Yea she doesn’t like you.”

The fact that I think about it a couple of times a day must be irksome.

When I was in college, there was a girl that hated me. The mere thought of me made her become a villain in a Disney Movie and she plotted, PLOTTED against me. She went to a college in a completely different state, so you could imagine it was a peculiar time. I’d receive text messages from my friends that went to school with her.

“Dude, someone asked her if she wanted to ruin your life and she said yes!”

I wonder what she’s up to now. I’d ask her what her thoughts were on the Diva Cup in broad daylight. I’d like to think she’s moved on from it, but then this has the potential of being the last thing I ever wrote.

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